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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Angry Is this rape? - March 20th 2010, 09:28 AM

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Well I have to different stories and Im not sure if I was raped/sexually assaulted .

FIrst story....:
I was hanging out with a guy I met on nexopia. We decided to drink a bit. The first 2 coolers I had I watched him open and give to me right away, I didnt feel anything after them. The third cooler I had, I didnt watch him get it and he seemed to be taking a bit longer than normal. half way through that drink, I was passing out. I barely even remember what hapenned the whole time at his house. I just remember him slapping me and trying to get me to get up because I needed to leave. I was lying on his living room floor naked and there was a used condom on the floor near me. He was also naked. I asked him what hapenned and he said nothing. I'm still not sure exactly what hapenned but I think that he did things with me while I was passed out. I don't know if this is rape or not. SOmeone help!!!



Second story.....:

I went to meet a different guy that I met on nexopia. He was 21, we went back to his house. We made out and started getting more into. I let him feel me up and touch me but when he went to take off my clothes I didn't want him to. I said no but he still did. He held me down and ate me out while I cried and pulled away, asking him to stop. After, he got on top of me and tried to hold me in different positions so that he could penetrate me but he couldn't get it to work so he finally stopped that. After, he made me take nude pictures. When I said I wouldn't do it, he threw me against a wall and slapped me. He told me that I had to because he said so. after that, his friend came home and could tell that something wasn't right so he offered to drive me home. I said no thanks but he drove me to the ctrain so that I wouldnt have to walk.
The guy, Anthony, kept telling me that I wanted it and no one would believe me if i said anything because according to him, what he did wasn't rape.

Please help me figure this out. I'm really confused. I've told one person, my youth leader at church. We havent got a chance to talk about what hapenned yet but I'm really nervous to tell him. Cause he wants me to tell him everything so that he can help me better. I trust him with everything but it's kinda weird to talk to him about sex stuff. Please help!!!!
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this rape? - March 20th 2010, 09:46 AM

Alright hun, I'm going to be blunt with you here. Both situations are considered as rape.

The first situation is rape because you were made to be in a situation where you were not in control of your own body, and you were not even aware what was happening. Even if you say "yes" to sex, if you were drunk while you said it, it is not consent, because you aren't capable of making responsible decisions at that time. So, if he ever says to you that "You said you wanted sex", this does not make it "not rape", because you were not fully in control of your body.

The second situation is rape, and considerably more serious I would say, because you actively refused to engage in sexual activities, and he still forced you to. As well as this, he also assaulted you, and tried to convince you that you "wanted it". If you are uncomfortable with a situation, you have every right to say no, and people will believe you if you come forward about this.

Please, I cannot urge you strongly enough, talk to an adult that you trust about this. These are both cases of non-consensual sexual activities, and neither of these are your fault, but you must speak up. You clearly said no to activities that you weren't comfortable with, so don't feel guilty or feel that you were giving signs that you "wanted" sex, because this is clearly untrue. What they have done is illegal, and thoroughly wrong. Please, please tell somebody. If the adult you talk to is unwilling to take this to the proper authorities, find another adult and tell them as well, or go to the police yourself. Many women do not report sexual assault because they are embarrassed, are made to feel that it's their fault, or are convinced somehow that it's "not really rape". But it's very, very important that you tell authorities about this. If Anthony gets away with this, another young girl like yourself could be forced into the same situation, and nobody wants that.

On a final note, I am not trying to victim-blame here, but: both of these incidents were a result of meeting up with people that you first met online. The internet is not a safe way to meet real-life friends, particularly for younger users, as it is very easy to lie about your age, your personality, anything. I would urge you very strongly to not meet up with people that you meet online. Or, if you do, go with somebody else that you trust.


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Re: Is this rape? - March 20th 2010, 07:52 PM

Hey There

I agree 110% with what the above poster has said.

Please talk to a caring adult that you trust and feel safe with. This could be anyone from your church leader, to a female relative, or a school teacher. I would also strongly recommend that you talk to the police and a rape and sexual assult support group in your local area - they have experience in what has happened and will help to put these men behind bars.

It may also be an idea that you could talk to a councillor, many people are shaken up after a situation like this, and often feel like they can't talk to someone they see everyday - councillors are trained professionals who talk you through your emotional troubles and help you to find ways of coping with different things and moving on in life.

Again, as the above poster has said. I urge you to try and be safe on the internet - you are only 12, and should not be looking for men at your age as it is, let alone 20 year olds. If you DO want to meet up with someone always take a trusting adult with you for at least the first time.

Take Care, I'm always happy to chat if you feel you would like someone to talk to.
Claire x


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Re: Is this rape? - March 22nd 2010, 10:56 PM

yes it is rape
and i think that you need to tell someone that cares about you even though it isnt your mom but maybe a teacher or a friends parent that you really like

i know this could be hard but you need to tell someone before this person dose it to someone else because even if he has done it to someone before you then maybe you coming forward will tel the other person to also
plaese feel free to pm me anytime
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Re: Is this rape? - March 23rd 2010, 01:42 AM

At your age DONT meet guys online! Especially 21 year olds!! Do you parents know you are meeting guys from the internet who are almost twice your age??????


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Re: Is this rape? - March 23rd 2010, 02:18 AM

Hey Alannah,

Yes, both cases are rape. Even though you met up with the guys, one time you were blacked out, so that's rape, and the other you said no, which makes that rape too. Please tell your mum, or an adult you trust. You are young, and these guys could do this to someone else, so please, tell someone. You are not alone in this, just hang in there.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.


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Re: Is this rape? - April 2nd 2010, 03:02 PM

both of these things ARE FOR SURE rape!!! you need to tell somone other then TH...and people WILL believe you


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Re: Is this rape? - April 2nd 2010, 03:40 PM

People have a way of getting (or trying to) get what they want
Especially men
And especially men who are only after one thing
I would consider both incidents rape as you said no
I cannot see a reason of wanting to meet up with someone you met online
You do not really know them and you don't know what they are capable of
It is important to always bring someone you trust with you when you meet up with people from online
I would definitely say that you need to talk to someone you feel comfortable talking about this with



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