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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lostandalone Offline
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4 more days - March 21st 2010, 01:59 AM

4 more days untill the trial. Then I have to face them. The two guys who attacked me twice and one of them once more. I am not doing as well as I intended. I don't know where to go. I just want to runaway.

I don't have any freinds close enough.
Mum isn't around too much...she has to work extra to make up the time when she takes off for the trial.
Can't get an appointment with my counsilor before the trial.

I am ashamed to admit it but I'm thinking about cutting again...its been over a year.

I can't sleep too well.....and keep reliving the attacks.....I can still feel them.

Feel so freaking weak right know...I don't like it. I just want it to be over.




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 4 more days - March 21st 2010, 02:20 AM

Hey Girl,

I myself am struggling with urge too :// but it doesnt mean we are weak at all! And if its been over a year since you last self-injured... i personaly find that EXTREMELY impressive! Its ok to have the urges, after all, its an addiction! And Facing those guys again IS going to be tough! but i promiss you if you dont testify it you will regret it. I was recently molested by my couzin and i feel like i can never face him again. The thing is, ill have to face him eventualy and i cant runaway and hide. If you need to talk message me <3


~Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.~
   
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Re: 4 more days - March 21st 2010, 04:52 AM

Hey Erika,

You can do this. I know it's hard and upsetting, but you can do it. Don't let these guys get to you, don't hurt yourself, because then they win. And they don't deserve to win. I know it's hard to keep from harming, but you can do it. Try the alternative thread, it might help distract you at least.

Do you have a friend you can talk to, or hang out with until the trial? Sometimes having someone to distract you can help. Once you testify, you will be safe. They won't be able to hurt you again. This might be one of the hardest things you do, but you can do it!

If you need anything, don't hesitate to pm me. Take good care of yourself.


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


PM me

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
lostandalone Offline
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Re: 4 more days - March 21st 2010, 11:50 AM

Thank you Rachel and Casey for posting.
I certainly appreciate your support. I really helps.
Unfortunately I don't have any close freinds... anxiety issues ( which I'm getting therapy for)...so no one to talk too. ( cant even get in to see a counsilor until Friday).

The whole process is worrying me....the hospital pictures will be shown to the jury..omg...going to be so embarrased..




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 4 more days - March 21st 2010, 04:15 PM

your wecome <3 And about the hospital pix... that really sucks! When my dad got a DUI (Driving Under the Influence) my mom had to show the jury pictures of my scars to show the emotional turmoil the whole situation had put me in because i was stuck at home and couldnt go anywhere because there was no one to drive me :P Embarassing? yes completely but you really have to do anything possible to bring them to justice. Although im not exactly sure WHAT they did to you it sounds horrible but once they are locked away for what they did im sure things will start to get better


~Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.~
   
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Re: 4 more days - March 22nd 2010, 10:49 PM

hey
i know it is going to be hard to face these guys and just know that you can put them away for what they did and that you will not have to face them ever again and that you should give them what they derseve

As for the sh you have done great and i am currenly only two weeks sh free i know it isnt a big deal but hey i know i can get to a year but we all need to talk with people we trust and that we could go to for help
so is there anyone else that you could go to thatcould help you maybe like a teacher or school consollor

Theresa
   
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lostandalone Offline
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Re: 4 more days - March 26th 2010, 01:55 AM

Hello everyone, thanks for the posts.

The trial is over and they were found guilty. I finallly have some closure on this and now finally get on with my life. I know it will always be part of my life but it won't be as strong. I also know I still have a lot of recovery to do and regain trust in guys. But will work on that.






"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
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