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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Help I was abused - March 29th 2010, 01:54 AM

Hello, My name is Tammi. I am 18 years old. And back in the late 90's I was abused my mom's boyfriend. Can someone help in coping with this?
   
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Re: Help I was abused - March 29th 2010, 11:35 PM

Hi there Tammi,

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through. I know that it is hard, and that you might feel like nothing will change. Have you talked to your mom about this? She needs to know what has happened. Also, councellors are the best source to go to. They help so much, and really care about what has happened. I know thats a big step, but you can get through this I know you can

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Re: Help I was abused - March 30th 2010, 12:08 AM

Well first things first have you told anyone?


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Re: Help I was abused - April 3rd 2010, 04:18 PM

I have told my mom when it was going on. And she didnt seem to give a crap. And I went to shrinks and they think I am nuts.
   
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Re: Help I was abused - April 3rd 2010, 06:47 PM

Wow! I guess the best solution is to cope it with yourself, but what I suggest is talking to professionals. Your mother shouldn't respond like that as that's her boyfriend abusing her daughter, I find that discriminating, seriously.
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Re: Help I was abused - April 4th 2010, 10:22 PM

I know it is. I just can't believe she would do something like that..Plus she was on drugs at the time.
   
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Re: Help I was abused - April 5th 2010, 06:07 AM

Hey there Tammi.

It sounds like you're having a hard time dealing with what happened, but I'm really glad you've been able to open up a bit. That is a great first step and I know how hard it is to take. As for how your mom reacted, you might try talking to her again. It's absolutely no excuse for how she reacted, but maybe at the time she just couldn't handle the idea, especially if she was using like you mentioned in your post above. Hopefully now she will be more open and supportive of you. If not, there are other adults out there who care. Talk to an adult in your community that you trust. If you're still in school, a teacher or school counselor would be a great idea.

Also, I know you said the shrinks you went to thought you were crazy, but honestly there are some really bad counselors out there. I think trying to find one you like and can open up to would be really helpful. You deserve to find that person who will be there for you and has the knowledge to help you work through this all.

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Re: Help I was abused - April 9th 2010, 05:40 PM

My mom is not doing drugs anymore which is a very big plus. I talked to her again and she is helping me through this now along with my husband. I am in school still I go to school online. My counciler is helping me as well. I am doing better then I was. I just wish there was a way to get the guy who did this to me..Then I would feel much better.
   
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Re: Help I was abused - April 10th 2010, 09:36 AM

there could be a way to get the guy who did this, but it would mean telling the police, making a statement and possibly going to court.



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Re: Help I was abused - April 10th 2010, 10:42 PM

Hey Tammi,

I know you are dealing with a lot right now. I know that coming to terms with the abuse that we suffered can be really hard but it is possible. You are going to have some ups and downs but in the end you can come out on top.

Now one of the first things I would suggest is building a support network. Find people that you can go to when you are dealing with the intense emotions. That is actually what I am working on at the moment. Although it can be hard to talk to people about all of it in the end talking about it and finding that you can get support is really helpful.

The other thing I would suggest is finding a therapist. I know that talking to a stranger can be hard but it really does help because as much as it helps to have friends and family to support you there are going to be times that you will need the therapist. I know that there are things that I am struggling with, things that I do not feel like telling my friends and having the therapist helps. Also, a therapist can help you find resources in your area such as support groups and what not.

Something that I am doing is reading a book about sexual abuse. There is also a workbook that goes along with it. The book I am currently reading is called courage to heal by Ellen Bass. If you are interested you could look that up or pm me if you need more information.

Lastly and I think the most important thing when it comes to dealing with this is to not push yourself. I know that there is probably a part of you that just wants to deal with it and be done but you cannot force it. Forcing it is not good. Your body will help you deal with it when it is time. Go slowly and you will start to notice some changes.

Please hang in there and remember that none of this was your fault. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me. I am here for you.

Jenna


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