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Stupid? - April 16th 2010, 11:55 PM

Okay, well, I have this friend that I used to be friends with when I was younger. He was my best friend and all that jazz. His parents also molested me/us. I guess you could say.

Anyway, I see him on facebook all the time and there is a part of me that wants to friend request but I am unsure if it would be a good idea. When he and I entered the 4th grade our relationship pretty much went kaputt (because that is what his parents wanted). Anyway we haven't talked since then that is about 10 years. Probably more like 8 because we really quit talking once I moved out of the neighborhood two years after 4th grade.

The fact that we haven't talked leads me to not know what kind of person he is. Is he nice? Mean? Etc. I just don't know.

I just have this feeling that I should friend request him. Idk why but I do. I have looked at his facebook pictures once or twice and he seems so dead in the eyes. Like he smiles but his eyes don't and I just get the impression that he needs a 'friend'. But I don't if I should be that person. If he would want to talk to me.

See, I don't know if he has dealt with the abuse etc. And if I were to friend request him I wouldn't actually bring that up. I would like to but Idk I guess the friend request would be my attempt at trying to break the silence. But I don't know if it is the right thing to do.

Do I have the right motives etc. I just don't know. I have this big part of me telling me I should do it. However there is a small part telling me not too.

I really don't expect anything I don't think. I would like us to talk and all that but I don't think that will happen a big part of me thinks he won't accept the friend request.

Lastly, I have family on my facebook and they know what happened with his parents and I wouldn't want them to think it was weird that we were talking. Or ask questions etc. I just don't know.

Is it stupid to even request him as a friend? Would that be like I was trying to live in the past? Idk.

I just think that talking to him. Getting some type of closure, even if it is as simple as realizing that he is not the same person as when I knew him. Is something I need for my healing. But, Idk.

Any advice? Anyone think I am completely and utterly stupid??

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Re: Stupid? - April 17th 2010, 04:35 AM

That's not stupid at all. I can understand your hesitation, but I don't think there'll be much harm in sending him a friend request. You say you don't know what kind of person he is - and unless you talk to him, you're not likely to find out.
It's your choice, in the end, but I don't see why you shouldn't give it a go.

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Re: Stupid? - April 17th 2010, 08:17 PM

It's not stupid at all. Sending him a friend request won't do any harm, the worst that could happen is he would decline your request. If he accepts, you will either find out that he has changed and get closure, or you might be able to restart your friendship if that's something that you both want. You do however have to accept that having you send him a friend request may remind him of what happened and he might want to cut that time out of his life completely, on the other hand, he may want to talk to you about it. Either way you have to be prepared, but the odds are he'll just accept you and there will be the usual casual chatter that people have on facebook.

Whatever happens, it's definately worth a shot. Good luck and let us know what happens!
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Re: Stupid? - April 17th 2010, 10:39 PM

It's not stupid. I've friended a lot of people who I haven't spoken to in years, who I had some bad falling outs with, and they still accepted. Facebook is great for rekindling friendships. Just send him a request, the worst that can happen is that he rejects, and if so, so be it. If you think it might hurt you, however, then don't do it. Make sure you are ready enough to handle talking to him again.

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