TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
suicidal_bunny Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
suicidal_bunny's Avatar
 
Name: Renee
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: A town :D

Posts: 10
Join Date: April 9th 2010

Question How do i help him? - April 19th 2010, 01:41 AM

One night me and my boyfriend were sleeping together(Just sleeping...I'm 15 he's 17) and i woke up, but he was still asleep. I looked at him, he was moving around and saying. "Daddy no" "Daddy please stop" "Daddy it hurts" So i tried to wake him up, but when he felt me touch him he screamed. He woke up and he was looking around and he was full of sweat. I asked him if he was okay and he said. "yea I'm fine". so for the rest of the night i held him and kept telling him that everything was going to be okay, in till he fell asleep and I already know about how he was raped by his father when he was 5 through 7 years old, and he has been having nightmares ever since his father got out of prison a few months ago.


I looked up online under rape survivors and incest survivors, and i read that it helps when you confront the person that raped you....is that true? because he wanted me to ask that. I tried talking to him, but every time i do he get shaky, sweaty, and starts to tear up...and i hate seeing him like that, and also we are now in a long distant relationship. So i don't know how to help him because we live like 8 hours away from each other, we see each other once in a while, but i don't know how to help him...


He doesn't like therapy because his old therapist turned out to be old friends with his father and was always on his fathers side, So i can't think of any other way to help him....


My light of day has come to an end
The knife is my lover, the pain is my friend
Its hard to do anything, i can't even cry
I lived enough of this life....and now i must die
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
FlyingTrue's Avatar
 
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: United States (FL)

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: March 31st 2010

Re: How do i help him? - April 20th 2010, 12:18 AM

Renee,
I honestly do not believe confronting him would work. If anything I think that it would put your boyfriend at risk and give him a panic attack. It also sounds like that therapist needs his license stripped as he/she probably did the complete opposite of what he/she was supposed to do and that the rogue therapist may have played a major factor in the fact that the painful memories are still strongly plaguing your BF.

I think advisement and therapy from a different professional, one who for certain has no relation to the abuser, would be best here. It may help a lot if you were able to join him during these types of sessions.
  Send a message via Skype™ to FlyingTrue 
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,679
Blog Entries: 1760
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: How do i help him? - April 20th 2010, 02:18 AM

Hey there,

I cannot say whether or not confronting his attacker would be a good or bad thing. I think it all depends on the person, what they expect from the confrontation and so on. Thing is that the confrontation could lead to him feeling worse. In the end it is something that your boyfriend is going to have to decide. Sometimes people who are abused do eventually confront their attackers and they feel all the better for it. Some never do. Basically with time and with healing your boyfriend should be able to tell what it is he needs and then he will be able to make the decision about whether or not to confront his attacker.

On a side note I would like to encourage you to suggest to your boyfriend that he find another therapist. I know that bad experiences with therapists can lead people to never want to go to one again but there really are good therapists out there. It can take a while to find the right therapist but once it happens it really does feel good and they really can help.

Lastly, if you really want to help your boyfriend just let him know that you are there for him no matter what. Let him know that you will listen to him and support him through everything. I think that is what people need the most to know that they can talk to someone about it no matter what.

If you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
incest, rape

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.