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suicidal_bunny Offline
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Question How do i help him? - April 19th 2010, 01:41 AM

One night me and my boyfriend were sleeping together(Just sleeping...I'm 15 he's 17) and i woke up, but he was still asleep. I looked at him, he was moving around and saying. "Daddy no" "Daddy please stop" "Daddy it hurts" So i tried to wake him up, but when he felt me touch him he screamed. He woke up and he was looking around and he was full of sweat. I asked him if he was okay and he said. "yea I'm fine". so for the rest of the night i held him and kept telling him that everything was going to be okay, in till he fell asleep and I already know about how he was raped by his father when he was 5 through 7 years old, and he has been having nightmares ever since his father got out of prison a few months ago.

I looked up online under rape survivors and incest survivors, and i read that it helps when you confront the person that raped you....is that true? because he wanted me to ask that. I tried talking to him, but every time i do he get shaky, sweaty, and starts to tear up...and i hate seeing him like that, and also we are now in a long distant relationship. So i don't know how to help him because we live like 8 hours away from each other, we see each other once in a while, but i don't know how to help him...

He doesn't like therapy because his old therapist turned out to be old friends with his father and was always on his fathers side, So i can't think of any other way to help him....

My light of day has come to an end
The knife is my lover, the pain is my friend
Its hard to do anything, i can't even cry
I lived enough of this life....and now i must die
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Re: How do i help him? - April 20th 2010, 12:18 AM

I honestly do not believe confronting him would work. If anything I think that it would put your boyfriend at risk and give him a panic attack. It also sounds like that therapist needs his license stripped as he/she probably did the complete opposite of what he/she was supposed to do and that the rogue therapist may have played a major factor in the fact that the painful memories are still strongly plaguing your BF.

I think advisement and therapy from a different professional, one who for certain has no relation to the abuser, would be best here. It may help a lot if you were able to join him during these types of sessions.
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Re: How do i help him? - April 20th 2010, 02:18 AM

Hey there,

I cannot say whether or not confronting his attacker would be a good or bad thing. I think it all depends on the person, what they expect from the confrontation and so on. Thing is that the confrontation could lead to him feeling worse. In the end it is something that your boyfriend is going to have to decide. Sometimes people who are abused do eventually confront their attackers and they feel all the better for it. Some never do. Basically with time and with healing your boyfriend should be able to tell what it is he needs and then he will be able to make the decision about whether or not to confront his attacker.

On a side note I would like to encourage you to suggest to your boyfriend that he find another therapist. I know that bad experiences with therapists can lead people to never want to go to one again but there really are good therapists out there. It can take a while to find the right therapist but once it happens it really does feel good and they really can help.

Lastly, if you really want to help your boyfriend just let him know that you are there for him no matter what. Let him know that you will listen to him and support him through everything. I think that is what people need the most to know that they can talk to someone about it no matter what.

If you need anything please feel free to pm me.


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