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Mixtape91 Offline
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Exclamation Dont Know What To Do?! - April 23rd 2010, 08:41 AM

So I recently found out that my 16 year old sister is dating a 21 year old guy. Her friends have never met him, & he climbs in & out of her window at night (she doesn't know it, but i saw it myself). One of her friends came to me because she's worried. She told me that she also sneaks out & goes to his apartment at night alone. My sister wont let anyone meet him, & from what her best friends telling me, he's become controlling. Her friend first noticed bruises on her collarbone, and after a few weeks, other markings like scratches down her back, a bruise on her head, & burn looking things on her arm (they could just be hickeys, but its all a little odd to me).

Some of her "other" friends (not the one that confided in me) went to the counselor who contacted my parents. It only made things worse. My parents are oblivious & accepted every little denying lie she told them. She's like a straight A student & is pretty much seen as a golden child so of course they believed her, saying that she has no time to be seeing boys & that she would never do that. Me & my best friend are the only ones (along with my sisters friend who told us) actually know whats actually going on. I dont know what i'm doing about it thoe is such a good idea.. when my mom asked, I told her that i had no idea & knew nothing about the situation. I only did this because if i say anything, or if her friend that came to me told my parents, then my sister would freak & she'd clam up & not say anything to anybody, which, is even more dangerous. My parents aren't so good at handeling things so they'd just water it down & tell her not to see him again, which, she will anyway.

I know it might be wrong, but i just bought a nanny cam. Im not sure if i'm crossing a line doing this, but i'm thinking of planting it in her room. That way we can record whats going on & then be able to take it to my parents, & then, of course, the police. I still dont understand why my sisters still with him, but im thinking its because its her only "first love" &, of course, must be in denial or something. I just want to find this guy & kill him. Is what i'm doing right???

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Re: Dont Know What To Do?! - April 23rd 2010, 09:11 AM

Honestly, I think that you should go back and tell your parents the truth. She can't "clam up" anymore than she has already and this isn't a situation that can wait. Explain to your parents how serious this is, that she is in danger. Or go to a counsellor and get them to explain to your parents how serious this is. This is something that your parents need to handle, you can't take matters into your own hands.

I don't recommend hiding a camera in her room because she will probably find it and then be even harder to catch. I don't really like to condone invasions of privacy, but since your sister seems to be in danger... maybe you could get hold of her phone or computer and find messages that she has sent to him?

I would also recommend getting your sister into counseling. Abusive relationships are incredibly hard to get out of, it can take years for the victim to realise that they need to leave. By getting her help, she might realise how badly she is being treated and be more willing to leave.

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Re: Dont Know What To Do?! - April 23rd 2010, 09:45 AM

Ya, I agree with ShimmeringFaerie about all she's said.
I also think that you should confront your sister and ask her what's going on. Maybe she'll deny everything to you and tempers may flair but when you get your views through and show your concern for her safety, she'll come to you.
But I really think, at this moment, that your parents should know what's going on.
Your sister is a minor. I'm pretty sure that for a guy his age, I would just like to put across this question, why is he dating a 16 years old? Which is why you have to be very careful, and firm about your decision in letting an adult know.

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Re: Dont Know What To Do?! - April 25th 2010, 01:45 AM

I think the police need to get involved here with stakeouts, right now. Either she is obviously too immature to recognize the abusiveness of the relationship, and all she knows is that she wants to be wanted. Or it could be that she could be unwillingly sticking with this relationship out of fear that something will happen if she breaks it off or if she does not submit to him, or because he is holding some sort of authoritative position over her (there was a 20/20 about an adult Starbucks manager sexually abusing a 16-year-old all-A high school student who worked as a barista under him who submitted to it for her job security, so this scenario can get really bad).

Regardless of circumstance, she is most likely in grave danger. She needs real help right now and the brakes need to be put on this immediately.

Last edited by FlyingTrue; April 25th 2010 at 01:55 AM.
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Re: Dont Know What To Do?! - April 26th 2010, 09:53 PM

I must say that a nanny cam is not the best idea in the world. For one, if your sister finds out, you will completely lose her trust and she will go to greater lengths to see this guy.You need to talk to your sister, and talk to your parents. Tell her that it is illegal for a 21 year old to sleep with a 16 year old in the U.S., and that dating a girl her age is very close to crossing that thin line.(Source) Tell your parents what is going on. Hiding this from them won't help your sister. They need to know.

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