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Ms. Music Offline
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Question advice please? - April 26th 2010, 07:42 PM

Hey everyone,
So I am really new to the site but I have a question. I was ... well I was abused sexually when I was 14 years old. Its really something I have never been comfortable talking about much past that. I guess I have never really coped with it too well, just learned to act you know? Well I have a boyfriend whom I think that I love, and we have been sleeping together for like 4 years. Anyway lately I have been having awful dreams about the incident, I haven't been sleeping, I have lost a lot of weight, and I have most importantly begun to have a really difficult time having sex with my boyfriend. I was wondering if anyone knew of a way to kind of remove yourself from the act of sex and act. I want to keep him satisfied but I am having such a hard time being intimate with him. Any suggestions?

Thank you,
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firecracker Offline
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Re: advice please? - April 26th 2010, 07:47 PM

Talk to him. You don't have to give explicit details, just tell him the general basics of how you're feeling. Tell him as much as your comfortable with. He should be able to support you and not pressure you into doing anything you're uncomfortable with.

As for the rest, I would recommend that you talk to somone, like a counselor. They can help you work out these feelings. It won't be easy opening up, but it will get easier and you'll feel a lot better.
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Emily. Offline
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Re: advice please? - April 29th 2010, 08:33 PM

Hey there.

I definitely agree with what Bethany had to say. If your boyfriend really cares about you, he will understand how you're feeling and want to be there for you.

Talking with a counselor can also be a big help. When we keep things like this all tucked up inside, it only ends up hurting us more in the long run. Sometimes it feels like you're doing okay and that you're handling, but then it pushes its way out into your life again in things like dreams and the problems you're trying to deal with now. I really think talking about the abuse and working through it are the best ways to heal and stop it form affecting your life so much. I don't know if it's something that will ever completely go away, but by learning ways to cope and having a good support system, you can and will get through it.

You also might just try taking a break from sex. It's supposed to be something you enjoy and if you're not, you by no means have to keep having sex just to satisfy your boyfriend. If he loves you, he'll understand and wait until you're ready and more able to enjoy it.

I hope you're doing okay right now. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
<3 Emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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