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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
I'm A Pyschotic Neurotic.
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Name: Jaymi
Age: 33
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Location: England

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Abuse - People and Dogs - April 29th 2010, 07:26 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was 14 when the abuse started.

I got kicked out of school, and all my friends turned on me, so I had enemies instead,

The only 2 people who kept in contact where 2 boys. They were my age.

At first they were the only people I could trust, they were friendly and we used to have fun together, the 3 of us. We used to do normal things, things that 14 yr olds do.......you know smoke the odd cig behind the bike shed.........or go to the cinema.

Then the abuse started. It started when we were in the park. We always used to hang out in the park so I thought nothing more......untill
One of the blokes, Lets call him 'A' asked me if I wanted to give him a kiss........I didnt really want to........but I was 14, I had my first french kiss at 12. So I thought, 'What the hell' and we kissed.

The other bloke....'B' asked me if he could have a kiss. I said 'No' And stuck with that.

It was like that for a few weeks, then months, kissing bloke 'A' and not letting bloke 'B' come near me. They used to bring bloke 'A's dog with them to the park.

He was a big dog.

And I was in denial. I thought they only way to have friends is to carry on what was happeneing.

But one day, we were sitting next to each other, when bloke 'B' held me down whilst bloke 'A' fingered me.......against my will. I was shocked, and upset and didnt know what to do or how to react.

Bloke 'A' whispered to me to shut up or the dog would get me. So I shut up.

The two guys took me back to their flat, I was struggling, but everytime I tried to run, theyd get the dog to bark and bite.

So we get back to the flat, I was shit scared to move, I just layed on the bed whilst they took turns raping me, I didnt want to move, I just wanted it to end. They put a pillow over my face, and kept the dog barking.

Then they put their fingers into a box of dog biscuits and took turns fingering me. And it hurt like hell......the dog biscuits were some kind of spiced chilli biscuits.

When they let me go, I went straight home, and have never spoken to anyone about this, I swore I wouldnt.

Now I have come clean, because it happened 10 years ago roughly today.

Still traumatised.

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Last edited by Emily.; April 29th 2010 at 07:59 PM. Reason: edited prefix to fit guidelines
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: Abuse - People and Dogs - April 29th 2010, 08:15 PM

Hey Jaymi. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. No one should ever hurt you that way especially people who are supposed to be your friends. I hope you know it was in no way your fault. Those boys are the only ones to blame.

I think it's really good that you're opening up about it now. I know how hard it is and you should be really proud of yourself. And it doesn't matter how long it's been, it's never too late to open up and start healing.

Have you ever talked to anyone about what happened? I think working with a counselor and maybe talking to your family or someone you trust would be a good idea. You deserve support from the people around you and a therapist can help you find healthy ways to overcome and cope with what happened. Plus it's really nice to have someone to talk to who wont judge and has to keep things completely confidential.

Healing isn't something that will happen overnight, but it is possible and you can get there. I have faith in you.

I hope things are going okay for you. Keep reaching out and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.
<3 Emily

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Casey. Offline
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Re: Abuse - People and Dogs - April 30th 2010, 04:51 AM

Jaymi, I'm glad you are finally talking about it. What happened was not your fault, not at all. They took advantage of you and of your feelings. Don't blame yourself for what happened.

Have you ever talked to a counselor or someone you trust about what happened? Talking about it, although it hurts like hell at first, actually really helps. Keeping talking about it, tell your story, and you'll slowly get to healing. It takes time to heal, and it's okay that it still upsets you.

If you need anything, don't hesitate to pm me.

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"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

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Sometimes things just happen.

Smile through the tears.

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