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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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I was drunk... - May 7th 2010, 10:56 PM

My grandpa is in the hospital his liver is really bad. Doctors told him years ago to stop drink but he wouldn't. Since he is my mom's normal drinking partner she has no one to drink with but me. So she's been keeping me home from school so we can drink together. One night she had an idea to call over some guys. So a bunch of guys came over and we all drank together. Most of them left me alone. My mom stayed by my side..she kept putting her arm around me and saying, "this is my girl." like she was proud of me. I know it sounds stupid but it made me feel good. Most of the guys left expect one who went in the bedroom with my mom and one guy stayed out with me in the living room. He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. We talked and passed a bottle back and forth for awhile...maybe an hour or so..I'm not sure how long its kind of a blur...then he said he was going to walk to the gas station down the street to get cigs. I stayed out on the couch. I think I passed out because I don't remember anything after he left, then I came too when I heard my moms door shut. The guy that went in my moms room came out and sat in the chair the other guy had been sitting in. He asked where the guy went, I said he went to the store. He asked me if I was gonna share my bottle I had still in my head so I handed it to him. He was really blurry. He was talking to me bout I couldn't really make out his words most of the time. Like my hearing fadded in and out. I remember him laughing. Then he asked how old I was, said I was too young to be drinking. Said I didn't know what being a woman meant. Then he got up and pushed me back on the chair and kissed me. I tried to move my head away. I felt like I couldn't breath. He got off me and undid his pants. He pulled his penis out and held my head while he tried putting it towards my mouth. I had to put my hands on his legs to keep myself steady because I felt like he was shaking me all about. It was making me feel really sick. He kept trying to get me to open my mouth but I kept shaking my head. He said dont make it difficult my mom was passed out no one was there just to do it and get it over with. He held my nose and I opened my mouth. He made me give him a blow job. I had never done it before and I didn't know what to do. He kept slapping me in the side of the head cuz he said my teeth hurt. He told me to do it right or he'd make me do something else. The other guy walked in and started freaking out. He pulled the guy away from me and started yelling at him. Everything got dizzy and I started throwin up. The other guy kept saying she wanted it. The other guy took me to the bathroom. He kept saying please don't tell on my brother he don't know what he's doing he's drunk. He stayed with me while I puked then took me to my moms room and laid me down. I passed out and when I woke up they were both gone.

I didn't tell anyone this. My mom wouldn't care anyways. I looked up rape online and it's not rape. I never said the words no. And we didn't have intercourse. I just feel so gross. I didn't like him. I thought the first time I did that it would be with someone I liked. Like a boyfriend. I never thought it would happen like that. I just need to get this off my chest. I just want to put this behind me but it's so hard. I wish I just went to school and I never let my mom make me wanna drink with her. I should have known better. I just wanted her to like me.


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Re: I was drunk... - May 7th 2010, 11:46 PM

omg! thats awful, im really sorry that happened to you, that would be tramatic. Its good that you got it up in the air, probably a big relief to have off your shoulders. again, really sorry that someone did that to you, take care
   
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Re: I was drunk... - May 7th 2010, 11:58 PM

Nikki, go here: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-r...at-rape-abuse/

As you can see statutory rape is having sexual relations with someone who isn't old enough to consent. So what that man did to you is rape. And you need to go to the police about it as soon as you can.

I also think you should tell an adult that you trust, like a teacher or neighbour or other family member. Your mother making you drink with her and putting you in a dangerous position like that is wrong and neglectful and would quite probably constitute child abuse. You can't stay in an environment like that, it is too dangerous for you. Another adult will be able to get you out of this situation. Please tell someone about it.



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Re: I was drunk... - May 8th 2010, 12:22 AM

that is most definitly rape! you don't have to say no, as long as the other person knows you don't want it, it's rape. and there is NOTHING that makes it all right for your mom to be drinking with you, and inviting abusive guys over to the house. this is child abuse, and your mom should NOT be doing this to you. try calling a teen hotline, like the one on http://www.onyourmind.net/. and they can give you advice on what to do better than we can. or perhaps talk to a school councler? someone other than your mom needs to know what is going on. you shouldn't feel like you have to get drunk to make your mom like you. no good mother would make you feel like that.
   
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Re: I was drunk... - May 8th 2010, 06:25 AM

It's statutory rape, and you need to tell someone. People don't just "get over" rape... you may need to speak with a counselor or therapist in order to gain closure regarding this. I would also suggest that you report this entire incident to the police. Yes, they'll find out that your mom was serving you the alcohol... but you can't allow yourself to become a victim again, due to your mom's reckless behavior. Maybe she can get help for her alcoholism as a result of your reporting this incident to the police.

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Re: I was drunk... - May 8th 2010, 09:39 AM

You need to go to the police about this, its still rape even if he dident have intercourse with you.
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Re: I was drunk... - May 8th 2010, 10:45 AM

Please, please tell someone that you trust like a teacher or an adult that lives in your area. If you find that too difficult maybe just print out what you wrote here and show that to them? It's really important that you tell somebody what this man did to you because it's very wrong. They also may be able to get you back into school rather than drinking because you will be doing your body a lot of harm.


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Re: I was drunk... - May 8th 2010, 01:45 PM

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. i think you have to speak to someone about this though.and yes it is rape. you was forced to do something you didn't and wasn't meant to do. and he made you give him oral sex while your still under age... i think you mum would care and would try to help you! and you should really do something about this


   
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Re: I was drunk... - May 8th 2010, 02:40 PM

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Is there any grown up you can talk to? I agree with what was said above, you need to report this, you might also need professional help. It was wrong what he did.


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Re: I was drunk... - May 10th 2010, 02:22 AM

[Edited by bringontherain - Reason: comment on deleted portion of post] Its not that easy just to tell someone. My mom is all I have. Shes my mother. If I get taken away from her I'll be put in a foster home where I'll prolly be abused and raped anyways is it so wrong to rather deal with that with someone I know rather than a stranger.

I know I need to tell I'm just so scared what will happen. I know my mom sounds like a monster but I just know deep down she has to love me and if only I could make her better some how things could be okay. I don't have anyone but her, I don't want to be alone. I'm scared


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Last edited by Emily.; May 10th 2010 at 02:53 AM.
   
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Re: I was drunk... - May 10th 2010, 04:59 AM

Nikki,

I know it's hard and I know it's difficult but you need to tell someone. Are you still in school? If so, talk to your school counselor or a teacher that you trust. Tell them what happened, and if you want to omit a few details, fine, but what he did was wrong and he shouldn't be allowed to do it again. You are thirteen. I didn't start heavily drinking until I was sixteen, three years older than you are right now. You were drunk, and even if you didn't say no, because you were drunk, among other factors, it is considered a form of rape.

Your mother should not be getting you to drink with her. You are too young and it will damage your body. If you love your mother, tell someone. Get her the help she needs, so that she doesn't need alcohol to be okay and so that she can take care of you better. They won't take you away from her if they think she might be able to take care of you, they only take children away as a last resort. But they will help her get help so that she can take care of you. Also, not all foster homes are bad, there are some pretty decent ones.

Just hang in there Nikki, and talk to someone.


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Re: I was drunk... - May 10th 2010, 06:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by NIKKI{youthebestest} View Post
[Edited by bringontherain - Reason: comment on deleted portion of post] Its not that easy just to tell someone. My mom is all I have. Shes my mother. If I get taken away from her I'll be put in a foster home where I'll prolly be abused and raped anyways is it so wrong to rather deal with that with someone I know rather than a stranger.

I know I need to tell I'm just so scared what will happen. I know my mom sounds like a monster but I just know deep down she has to love me and if only I could make her better some how things could be okay. I don't have anyone but her, I don't want to be alone. I'm scared
Nikki, not all foster homes are like that. In fact, very few are. If you were unfortunately placed in one that was more damaging, you would be strong enough to get out of there because you would have already been strong enough to tell someone about this.

The way to make your mother better is by telling someone about this. Then they will put her into rehab, so that she can get better. By telling someone about this, you would be helping her and ensuring your own safety. If she can go through rehab and get better, then I am sure that you would be allowed to go back and stay with her. But if you stay there without getting her the help she needs, things like this are likely to keep happening.



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