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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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mandapandaa Offline
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Unhappy confused... - May 15th 2010, 03:20 PM

okay, so uhmm, this is a little hard for me.
i've never told anyone about this, ever. (not even my mother)
but i really need help.

The thing is, i was raped 5 years ago when i was 11, by my own brother.
i feel awkward asking, but is it still rape if they used their fingers?

it still gets to me, and it's at the back of my mind everyday, and i can't stand it.

But now, my real problem is that i have a boyfriend who i love, and i care about him so much, i feel like i'm lying to him by not telling him the bad things that have happened to me.
How do i tell him without making him sad about it?
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Re: confused... - May 15th 2010, 05:01 PM

If he only touched you with your fingers, it may not be considered rape but it is still sexual abuse, and dealing with this type of situation is hard. If your boyfriend really loves you, you should be able to tell him about what your brother did, and he should be able to accept that and understand that you want to take it slow.
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Re: confused... - May 18th 2010, 04:58 PM

Yes, it's rape as long as you didn't allow him to. And I only say that because this sound like the typical text book sibling experimentation, which is classified as sexual abuse, and by law any form of sexual contact with a minor is a rape...well at least in Arizona and California. It was 5 years ago so telling your mother wouldn't work. You shouldn't tell your boyfriend because it'll make tension between your brother and your boyfriend. You should go to you brother, tell him how you feel about it. Really make him feel as bad as you feel now.

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Re: confused... - May 18th 2010, 05:14 PM

i think the last comment is a bad idea because goin to your brother could make him angry and risk u bein hurt again.
and yes it is rape if he touched u and u didnt want. as for telling your bf i think you should only tell him if u feel comfortable telling him or if u find u fell uncomfortable around him or being touched by ur bf

p e if u want hun

i have a guardian angel watching over me she tells me what to do when i have no clue
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Re: confused... - May 18th 2010, 05:21 PM

Depending on where you live it could be considered rape or sexual abuse. However the fact that it happened five years ago means that the statute of limitations could have run out so he may never be brought to justice.

If you and your boyfriend trust each other then you should be able to tell him about these things and he should also understand that you need to take it slow.

I also think that if it's haunting you everyday you should probably seek therapy to help you sort out the situation and cope. I don't think confronting your brother directly would be very effective unless you're absolutely sure that you're ready to do so.

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Re: confused... - May 18th 2010, 05:39 PM

if your bf cares, its only human nature to get sad/angry. it might help if you talk about it, maybe get it off your mind. and tel him before you say it your not looking for pity. <3

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
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Re: confused... - May 19th 2010, 07:43 PM

yeh its classed as rape here in the uk too. Umm telling your mum may make you feel a little better, plus you get a little more support. Telling your bf is a sticky matter... it may help and if he loves you as much as u love him he'll understand and take it slow plus support you
Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk, im a good listener xxx
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