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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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suicidal_bunny Offline
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Question Should I forgive him? - May 29th 2010, 02:15 AM

When I was 8 I got raped by my brother who was 10. It was sexual and physical, and once when he broke my arm i told my mom what he was doing to me. He went to juvenile hall and he just got out a few months ago. He's now 17 and I'm 15 now. But he lives in a neighborhood where everyone calls him a molester, and rapist. he wants to move in to my house so he can get away from that.(He lives with our father right now like 10 hours away)

But I don't want him to stay here, because I just am afraid of him. (Its kind of hard to explain) He was been flirting with my friends online, and one of them asked why i didn't want him here, so i told her everything, and she told me to give him another chance because he got her to feel guilty for him, and they are still talking and flirting, and she has been acting like what he did to me never happened, because she said she "loves" him.(They have been talking for 2 weeks)
So should i forgive him? should i let him stay here because my friend wants him here?Thank you


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Re: Should I forgive him? - May 29th 2010, 02:23 AM

Yes and no. This is a very personal choice for you, but- I would forgive him, because it's not good (for your own well being) to hold onto anger. BUT, I personally wouldn't let him live there if you have the choice. I understand that he was only ten when it happened....But from what you said about him, it doesn't sound like he has matured all that much. There is a good chance that he could hurt you or someone else again.....And whether he does or not, you shouldn't have to live in that fear and awkwardness. If your friend is a good friend, she should understand that. Abuse is a very serious thing, you have every right in the world to not want him to live there. Forgiving doesn't always mean that you have to forget.
   
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Re: Should I forgive him? - May 29th 2010, 02:28 AM

I agree that you should forgive him. Or at least try. As much as you can. What he did was completely wrong, but you should still try to forgive him for the mistake he made at such a young age. Finding forgiveness will make you feel better.

That being said, I would NOT let him move back in with you. He says he doesnt like being in the city he's in now because of what people call him... but that's his own fault. You have already gone through so much because of what he did to you, and I don't think you should risk the chance of being hurt all over again. He has to a chance to change now that he's out, but let him do it at your father's house so he cannot hurt you.


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Re: Should I forgive him? - May 29th 2010, 02:40 AM

^Very much agreed. And the thing is, people are going to call him things no matter where he goes. Him moving in with you probably wouldn't solve that anyways.
   
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Re: Should I forgive him? - May 29th 2010, 04:29 AM

Okay, I'm assuming that you live with your mother. If so I would talk to her about your situation. Forgiveness is the key to getting over something as traumatic as having this sexual abuse done by your brother. Should you have him come back? That depends solely on you. You have to be comfortable with him coming back. If you feel like your well being will be jeopardized or still have a feeling something like this may happen again then you shouldn't put yourself at risk. Sometimes you have to think of your own happiness or well being. Your brother could have changed, who knows. What makes me think he may not have is the flirting with your friends. He could be doing this in an attempt to make you look like the bad guy so you feel forced to allow him back into your life and home. Do what you feel is right though. Don't let your heart waver. Maybe you could even try to talk to him one on one and see how things go from there. Good luck and I will be here for you whenever you need!

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Re: Should I forgive him? - May 30th 2010, 01:55 AM

Hey Renee,

Well, I would forgive him, as forgiving does more for you than it does for him, it helps you let get of some of the anger and hurt, and it helps in the healing process. However, as for letting him back in your house, that is up to you. Talking it over with your mom would be best, but if you are not ready to have him back, if you think things will be as they were before, then stand up for yourself. Ignore what your friend says. She doesn't have to live with him, you do.

Just hang in there Renee.


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