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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hear my whispers in the dark..
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Name: Jen
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They don't believe me. - May 31st 2010, 06:24 PM

So I'm in AA, and for one of the steps I had to write a letter about how I felt about when my cousin molested me when I was 12. It was never meant to be found and read, but my mom, god bless her, found it and decided that she would call my grandma and tell her. My grandma in turn called my uncle, who then confronted my cousin who denied the whole thing. Big shocker there. My mom felt horrible, which she should, because it wasn't her place to read the letter in the first place and then repeat what she read without even talking to me about it. But now my grandparents don't believe me, neither does my uncle, and my cousin is saying that he didn't do anything. There was a big blowout with my grandparents about 3 years ago and just recently we've been reconciling the relationship. Now it got ruined again. They say that the only way to resolve the situation is to get me, my mom, my dad, and myself, and my cousin and his parents together and "figure out what really happened--who's lying and who's telling the truth". My mom agreed with my counselor, saying that this was a horrible idea that would just cause me more trauma.
The thing is, I had blocked it out for so long that it didn't really bother me. But now it's all out in the open and there's all these people who think I'm making it up, and I'm remembering more things that happened between myself and my cousin. I talked to my brother about it, and told him that the reason why the grandparents aren't coming to visit this summer was that Brandon molested me and no one believes me. His response was "I KNEW something was fishy between you guys. He was always tying you up and touching you and stuff", which is true, but I totally didn't remember that until my brother said it. Now I'm remembering all these things about how my cousin would get out his video camera and make movies, and he would send my brother out of the room and sometimes tie me up and/or pretend that I was dead and do things like "examine the body", or he would make up other weird games that involved me being in a position where my role was to be someone he had to touch.
These are things I obviously didn't want to remember, so I chose to forget them. Now I want to forget them again. But how do I do that?
I refuse to talk to anyone about this (except for here on TH) because it's just too embarrassing. I have a counselor, but I feel so disgusting even just saying "my cousin molested me". I can't go into details with anyone, I feel so gross and ashamed. It makes it even harder to talk about knowing that people don't believe me. My immediate family believes me, but my grandparents and aunt and uncle and cousin don't.
I want to be able to have a relationship with my grandparents, but how can I when they don't believe me about something so serious? My mom even univited them up this summer because she says that I don't need to be around people that don't believe me. But I hate the way it has to be. I'm mad at my mom the most, if she hadn't been nosy, none of this would have happened. I'm just so upset. And really, I have no idea what to do, or what to say to anyone.

Life isn't about worrying,
That's a waste of time.
And life isn't about being perfect,
It will never happen.
Life is about finding yourself,
And finding people who accept that person.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: They don't believe me. - May 31st 2010, 11:03 PM

That sounds really difficult and I'm unsure about how to answer this one.

I understand that it's hard for you to carry all of this, you must feel terrible. But you are absolutely right, your mum should have never gone through your stuff and found it! Your family are in shock ... so its natural that they're going into denial about it.

The only thing I could think about is talking to your grandparents about it. Tell them what happened about your mum finding the letter then about why you wrote it. Would that help at all do you think? I get it that you don't want to go into it with anyone, but part of the healing process is to talk about it, understand it and let go.

hope this helps a little

So much for that idea ...

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
mare Offline
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Re: They don't believe me. - June 1st 2010, 03:35 AM

im kinda in the same boat here. I was beaten by my ex-step father when i was younger and it took awhile but my mom finally got me and my brother out of the situation and we started to heal. then she met a new man and we ended up moving. shortly after the move he started coming into my room and he molested me. Part of my issue is i was in 6th grade and i felt that i was okay with what was happening. i also kept it secret for 5 years and now that ive been in counseling it has been brought out into the open. Of course my mom's now fiance denies everything and unfortunately my mother younger brother and their whole side of the family believes him over me. My mother brother and my molester are to move away this summer leaving me in a household where my father who has the emotional age of a 16 year old, knocked up a younger woman is over his head in debt and i am essentially locked up because they always need my "help" or our lives have to be centered around the baby.
our stories are different but the similar thread is disbelief. if i were you i would try to make amends with your grandparents and distance from your cousin is obviously necessary. instead of being written in a letter my story came out in a confession to a counselor who involved cps. lets just say that cps/cops are not the route to go and staying within your family and finding help there is the best idea.
i guess this really isnt advice just my insight but hang in there. it has to get better and you have to make the decision for it to be
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Kitty. Offline
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: They don't believe me. - June 1st 2010, 05:46 AM

Hey Jen,

This sounds like a really hard situation for you to be in. I think the best thing to do would be talk to your grandparents and uncle and let them hear what you have to say. Also, bring your brother along to talk with you because your brother noticed things. Good luck! Hang in there! =)
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