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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Nerdlord Offline
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I think I might've been raped as a little boy. - February 12th 2009, 03:30 AM

To start things off, I'm repressing some kind of memories from around second grade, when I was 7 or 8. Basically, I can't remember anything from second grade, at all. I've talked to several people about this, and most have said "It could be anything you're repressing." One's even said, "Your homosexuality, your boyfriend and your repressed memories are all you ever talk about anymore." The most person I've talked to most recently about this said, "That sounds like that's probably what happened."

I can't really remember anything... I remember a deep voice belonging to a man in a red car with black upholstery. Then I remember that I cried, and...that's it. It's not hard at all for me to be intimate with my boyfriend, Heavens no. As a matter of fact, it's quite easy. But I've heard of a case or three where the victim craved sexual attention afterword... I know it's a long time for it to be "afterword" for me, but if it happened, it happened before puberty kicked in. So it'd make sense that I'd be something of a slut in the years that followed.

I'm also gay. To be honest, I liked girls when I was a little boy. A lot, as a matter of fact. It wasn't until third grade that I stopped noticing how nice girls looked. I'm also into S&M, and I can't really think of a reason why. My friend said that it's just "a genetic defect, but a fun one," but I dunno... Also, if you don't mind me being gross for a minute, when I anally finger myself, I can take in two fingers at a time. I know of two gay boys who have been raped at some point as well, and they can both take two fingers at once, too. Virgins are supposed to have to take one and work their way up to two, right?

I've also asked my parents if anything bad happened in second grade, and they try to avoid the subject or say, "I don't remember second grade, either."

I want to think this is all in my head... I want to think that I'm repressing something that's not so bad... I...

*sigh* You may post your thoughts on this issue.
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Penguin Queen Offline
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Re: I think I might've been raped as a little boy. - February 12th 2009, 08:23 AM

Its impossible for me, or anyone else here for that matter to give you a definate answer. Everyone reacts to sexual abuse in different ways, this includes being very sexually forward, masturbating and repressing the memories. I am glad you have been able to talk to people about what you think may have happened, thats a really important thing to do. My best advice to you would be to see a professional about this, because they do have techniques on trying to get these memories out. I know this can't be easy, but talk to someone like a doctor or a school counselor. But please try and talk to someone- its the only way to get closure. Also talk to your family, see if they have anything to say about what you think happened, they will probably have a better recolection than you.

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it is real and as sure as the first evening star
can't touch it, or buy it, or lock it up tight
but its there just the same
making things turn out right


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Emily. Offline
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Re: I think I might've been raped as a little boy. - February 16th 2009, 03:10 AM

i'm really sorry your having these bits of memory coming up and are feeling confused about things. It's hard not being able to remember, but I agree with angela, we really can't tell you if ur repressing something, the only way to ever figure that out would be to see a therapist and see if they can help you piece back together your past.

If you think ur parents are hiding something from you then I would definitely suggest sitting them down and talking with them about it. Just tell them you keep having strange memories from around 2nd grade and you need to know if anything weird happened that year. Even if they honestly don't know anything, this would open up a way for you to ask them about going to therapy.

As for what/who ur into, it could have something to do with repressed memories, but it could also easily just be who you are. If you think it might be related to ur past then thats another thing you could discuss with a therapist.

I hope this helps and good luck sorting this out.
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