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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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deartrixie Offline
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sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 11th 2010, 12:25 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I havent been on in a while, but here I am seeking advice, or just someone to really listen to me. I was sexually assaulted 4 times, 2 years ago. Since the guy lived right next to me, and has since moved but shows up nearly every day to 'work for my landlord' it still feels ongoing, like it's still persisting. This past September something happened as well with a different guy, maybe I attract this type of shit? Lately, my neighbor, whom is 35 might I add, while Im 17, is all over me. Telling me he'll rock my world, wrestling with me, asking my mom if he can have my hand in marriage, [jokingly, because he wants something else] I told my counselor about it, Ive been in counseling since March I think, and its seemed to help a bit. Except when people use the word rape out of context, it damn near makes me cry. someone did it the other day, and I broke down, they wound up getting suspended. Sorry, went astray. Point being, Im getting very upset over this guy. its exactly how the first 4 times started, and I dont know if Im over thinking this or if Im completely right. Ive always felt as if it was my fault, and its really hard to come to terms with. My mother now knows something happened, she just doesnt know what. maybe Im making too much of this, maybe Im not. Im just worried that its going to happen again, and i really and truly cannot handle that whatsoever. I mean, its bad enough that I cant hold down a relationship, Im afraid of half the human race, and god forbid I see a scrawny, tall, white guy< I flip shit. I know thats wrong, but I just cant help it. His friends harass me all the time. hes done this to other girls, and we wound up going to the cops, but nothing happened until another girl reported it, and he got registered as a sex offender. Thats it. So Imagine my frustration. Now, I feel as if its going to happen again, when Im FINALLY starting to sleep, and laugh, and be normal. advice?
   
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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 11th 2010, 01:27 AM

i'd try to help you, but i'm going through the same shit kind of. i have a boyfriend, but im not always comfortable around him, so i blow him off or avoid him some days, when it gets too difficult. the guy who raped me is in jail, but i still feel as if he's going to come back for me again. he was raping me for well over a year. Im still scared to death, and im saying this so you know you're not alone, and i kind of started ranting. but if you get any good advice, feel free to share. :/

im sorry for not being able to help you, but at least you know somebody in a similar situation?
   
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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 11th 2010, 02:27 AM

Hey Trixie,

Have you talked to anyone about what happened? Like a counselor? It's not your fault, and you are certainly not overthinking it. I can't tell you it won't happen again, there's always a chance it could happen again. But worrying about it won't help anything, instead try to just enjoy your life and keep going on, because you can't change the past, and the future is still being written, so live in the here and now. Just keep hanging in there, and try talking to someone, even just your mum. Talking can really help.


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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 11th 2010, 02:53 AM

If your parents dont suck, you should really tell them about it. They could help you out. Otherwise, call the cops and tell them.
   
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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 12th 2010, 01:21 PM

Hey there Trixie

I've had very similar experiences to you, so can completely relate. I know how easy it is to feel like somehow you attracted it and therefore it's all your fault, but the truth of the matter is, it's not! These guys just take advantage of girls like us. It makes them feel like they have power, when in fact, they don't.

I don't think you are over-thinking this at all. It's natural that you'll feel a bit iffy around him after your previous experiences. Did you say that he was on the sex offenders register? If that's the case then he shouldn't be near you. Talk to your counsellor and ask her what to do.

Listen to your gut. If you don't feel safe, get out of there! Or talk to your parents and tell them that you don't like him in the house.

Stay safe
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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 19th 2010, 10:23 AM

Trust your gut! Do not go near this guy. You are clearly uncomfortable with the situation; the fact that he still bothers you proves that he cannot be trusted. His friends are a good reflection of that. If he wasn’t a misogynistic bastard, he wouldn’t allow his friends to harass you.

I strongly recommend telling your mother to keep him away from you if you are uncomfortable. It is not your fault for being uncomfortable; it is their fault for disrespecting you by invading your space. You have a right to your own body and to be left alone.

There is nothing wrong with not liking men or fearing men. I am a lesbian separatist; I don’t associate with men at all. Men commit practically all rapes, most womin will be molested at some time in there lives by men, be it at a bar, or in their home. And how many men sexually harass womin everyday? Statistically, it only makes sense to avoid them. Your safety should not be put at risk just to avoid hurting some grown man's feelings. Obviously you do not have to become a separatist, but just know that the option is there. I wish you all the best.


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
   
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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 19th 2010, 11:15 PM

Yeah I have talked to my counselor about it, and she gives me advice, but nothing solid to keep hmi away. and my mom also cant keep this guy away because he goes thru the landlord to come to the property. thank you very much guys. it helps to know Im not alone. And it also helps to know Im not the only one who wants to avoid men at all costs, or who has trouble with her boyfriend because of what happened. <33Thank you all very much
   
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Re: sexually assaulted 5 times, am I over thinking this? - June 20th 2010, 01:05 AM

Sometimes it's best to talk about it, get it all out of your system, and forget about it, it depends on the kind of person you are, though I wouldn't recommend bottling it up.
I bottled up for nearly a year, frightened he'd kill me if I said anything, then one day I snapped, and everything came out, he was taken away, he couldn't get to me, but he'd already ruined inside of me. My relantionship was shattered, it was like I was broken.

I never dated for nearly 8/9 months, found a guy, went rather well, broke it off and ended up with the guy I'm getting married too, we dont talk about it all the time, but If i need to, Ill send him a text saying I need to talk, and we'll go to bed, and I'll put my head on his chest and just talk. Sometimes I push him away, when he trys to hug me, or touch my arm, sometimes I wont even kiss him, but It's been nearly 4 years now, I've stopped getting flashback's, I don't blame my self anymore, and I can be myself around him, and if I'm having an off day he leaves me alone, or we'll do something fun depending on the mood.

It does get better, they say time is a healer and it really is, you've just got to stop blaming your self, knowone deserves being abused, once you've stopped blaming yourself, your well on your way to "getting better" so to speak.

I wish you good luck, and if there is ever a day you feel like blaming yourself, or want/need someone to talk to, I'll be there. I'll support you, and be the shoulder to cry on and the ears to listen.






   
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