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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sin Offline
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he won - June 23rd 2010, 08:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

omgod what have i done? i just left. please. please someone help me. i dont no what to do now. i was due 2 start my evidence yday through video link in court but i coulnt do it. instead i cut my wrists in the bathroom. can remember being in hospital but not much else really, i was just in shock. no1 told me what happened in court until i left hosp this morn. the judge ordered the jury2 find him not guilty because i wouldnt give evidence. i cant believe it. i just cant. i feel sick. so so stupid.why couldnt i do it. everyone is going 2 hate me. he`s free and im in hell. oh god i just want to curl up and die.


But so many people are looking to me
to be strong and to fight

but i'm just surviving
and I may be weak but I'm never defeated

and I'll keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining



   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount31
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Re: he won - June 23rd 2010, 03:42 PM

Hi Sinead, I'm sorry you're going through this at the moment. It's understandable why you would find it difficult to confront your abuser in court. It can be a traumatizing experience! I'm sure no one will hate you. They will understand.

I'm not very informed in terms of the law, but perhaps you could speak to your lawyer about where to go from here?

This is not your fault by any means. Be kind to yourself. You don't deserve to beat yourself up about it. Hang in there, and please take care! xx

Last edited by DeletedAccount31; June 23rd 2010 at 03:52 PM.
   
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: he won - June 23rd 2010, 06:34 PM

Hey there,

I can't imagine how hard it must have been to face an abuser in court. You should be proud of yourself for even getting to that point. No one should blame you for not being able to do it. It's such an incredibly hard thing and it's your choice anyways.

I'm not sure how the court systems work in Ireland, but I know here in the U.S. at least, you can appeal and re-try cases such as this. Talk to your lawyer or whomever you're working with and see what you can do. Or you can choose to not prosecute. It's your choice.

I hope you're doing okay. Stay strong you can get through this. And please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
DarkSeph Offline
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Re: he won - June 23rd 2010, 10:36 PM

Don't feel so bad, this is not your fault, facing an abuser is an incredibly difficult thing to do and you should be honestly proud of of how far you've come. It's not over, if you do give evidence these things can always be re-run, talk to your lawyer about it. This time might have not worked out, but just take it as an opportunity to come back and try again twice as prepared. If you do go for it again, maybe having more support and encouragement from friends and family before it takes place would help you cope more easily. Don't ever be afraid to ask for that. You aren't alone.

It isn't the end, if you were in hospital it was unavoidable that you could make the case and if you talk to your lawyer you should definitely be able to retry. Don't give up, you can beat this, you're a truly strong person and I honestly believe in that.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: he won - June 24th 2010, 01:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sin View Post
omgod what have i done? i just left. please. please someone help me. i dont no what to do now. i was due 2 start my evidence yday through video link in court but i coulnt do it. instead i cut my wrists in the bathroom. can remember being in hospital but not much else really, i was just in shock. no1 told me what happened in court until i left hosp this morn. the judge ordered the jury2 find him not guilty because i wouldnt give evidence. i cant believe it. i just cant. i feel sick. so so stupid.why couldnt i do it. everyone is going 2 hate me. he`s free and im in hell. oh god i just want to curl up and die.
hun its not your fault i went through the same thing almost you will be ok everything will be fine hold your head up
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: he won - June 24th 2010, 02:02 AM

According to some quick research I found that Ireland has a really bad history when it comes to protecting rape victims and/or prosecuting the attackers. I may not live in the UK but it is obvious that based on your words that the judge's actions were a violation of your rights and you and your lawyer need to keep fighting this for yourself and for others that might also be in a similar situation. The right thing to do should have been to order the postponement of the trial to a point where you would be as emotionally fit as possible to testify or you should have had the opportunity to have a pre-recorded testimony to present to the court. Ireland is part of the UK and so generally UK law should provide means for appeal, if they deny that you might have a separate case against the court system itself.

Don't blame yourself for what happened, it is the absolute ignorance of one idiot judge that is to blame. Don't lose faith in yourself, stay strong, the will get what he deserves.
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: he won - June 24th 2010, 02:29 AM

You're very brave for at least standing up to your abuser, for that I commend you. Be strong, fight back. He has not won.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Sin Offline
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Re: he won - June 24th 2010, 08:49 AM

thank you. i just feel like an idiot. i had a really good legal team who fought for me for years, and then i just fucked it up because i got scared. the justice system in ireand is a joke. the judge was so cruel to me, my team tried 2 fight 2 get it adjorned but he said no, that we couldnt all wait around for me 2 be emotionally stable. jerk.

i cant face people im so ashamed, i let my family down


But so many people are looking to me
to be strong and to fight

but i'm just surviving
and I may be weak but I'm never defeated

and I'll keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining



   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: he won - June 24th 2010, 01:36 PM

Hey There.

I agree with what everyone has said, you were so so brave getting as far as you did, and you should be proud not ashamed. You know, the same thing happened to my Dad. He was mentally abused by his boss, and had a nervous break down - and because of the breakdown, he couldn't manage to face his boss in court - and to this day he feels he let his staff down.

Yet, he's still managed to move on from it. It's one of those things, that you'll never forget and never forgive - but you can't let it hold you back in life. I'm sure your family will still support you - hold you head high that you did what you could, no-one could ask for anything more.

Take Care
Enjoy Life


I'm still alive.
Must have been a miracle
It's been one hell of a ride
Destination still unkown
It's a fact of life: If you make one wrong move with a gun to your head
You better walk the line or you'll be left for dead.


I'm a runaway train on a broken track
I'm the ticker on the bomb that you can't turn back
Thats right.
I got away with it all and I'm still alive.
Let the end of the world come tumbling down.
I'll be the last man standing on the ground
As long as hot blood runs through my veins
I'm still alive.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
DarkSeph Offline
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Re: he won - June 25th 2010, 04:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sin View Post
thank you. i just feel like an idiot. i had a really good legal team who fought for me for years, and then i just fucked it up because i got scared. the justice system in ireand is a joke. the judge was so cruel to me, my team tried 2 fight 2 get it adjorned but he said no, that we couldnt all wait around for me 2 be emotionally stable. jerk.

i cant face people im so ashamed, i let my family down
You didn't let your family down whatsoever. The Irish justice system (which is sadly pretty disgraceful ) and your judge let you down. The judge really should have had a lot more understanding considering you're the victim. Cases like these are extremely difficult and you were incredibly brave to go as far as you did. I truly mean that, you should honestly be proud of yourself.

Technically the case should have been adjourned, don't give up fighting this, definitely talk to your lawyer. And do not be ashamed, you deserve so much better and I honestly wish you the best of luck with all of this. Stay strong and hang in there.


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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: he won - June 25th 2010, 12:58 PM

That judge needs to be disbarred and fired, no doubt about it. I think you have a strong case against the judge himself for judicial misconduct.
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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
sarahelizaabeth Offline
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Re: he won - June 28th 2010, 03:52 PM

He hasn't won, you can still fight this. No one will hate you for standing up against him because by doing this you're preventing further harm against you or other people. Call your lawyer and go against the man and the judge is what I'd do. None of this is your fault. Stay strong & if you need anyone, I'm here.


"Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world."

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