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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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sarahelizaabeth Offline
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Unhappy boyfriend.. - June 28th 2010, 04:10 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together since August of last year. We had a two month break though and we're just now getting back together. The reason we broke up is because he used to hit me, throw me against walls, hold me down and not let me get up or leave the room, and used every insult in the book to make me feel two inches tall. I'm scared it's going to happen again because everytime we fight, no matter how big or small, I have flashbacks to that night. It scares me it'll happen again and this time I won't be able to fight back as much an that I could be hurt seriously (physically, emotionally it hurts enough) I'm just really scared..


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend.. - June 28th 2010, 04:17 PM

Hi Sarah

You need to get away from this relationship. If he truly cared about you, he would not have hit you in the first place. When you are in a relationship, you should feel happy. If you feel scared (which you said you do) this is your first indication that something is wrong.
   
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Re: boyfriend.. - June 28th 2010, 04:34 PM

Hey Sarah,

As Dk has suggested, it might be best for you to leave this relationship. It seems that you are still emotionally scarred from your last relationship with this guy. Remember that it is wrong for any man to make you feel scared, to hurt you, or abuse you in anyway. In fact, physical abuse is a criminal offence in most places!

I would suggest that you talk to some friends, or parents or other family members about what has happened to you, and secure yourself some safe accommodation with them. How would you feel about talking to the police about what has happened to you - because what has happened IS WRONG. I know it sounds scary, but most police forces will also provide after support for you too.

Maybe you could use Google to find some support groups near you?
You should NEVER feel scared when in a relationship.
Check out these resources (Especially the link on how to leave an abusive relationship) http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-r...use-resources/

I hope this helps,
And Good Luck with everything.
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Re: boyfriend.. - June 28th 2010, 10:00 PM

Yes, it is probably best to go ahead and break this relationship off. If you just got back together and you are already afraid; then this is the first sign you need to get out. You may want to get someone else to go with you, just in case something happens, as it sounds like your boyfriend could get very mad if you break it off.

If he really cared and was worth your time he would not have abused you to begin with.

You may even consider getting a restraining order against him if he keeps this ue.
   
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Re: boyfriend.. - June 28th 2010, 10:14 PM

If you feel he has changed, then be cautious, but giving him another chance IS okay, as long as you take the right steps.

As everyone else mentioned, if you are already afraid, then you either need to ask him to get some help so you can have his word that he won't hurt you again, or get out of the relationship.
   
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Re: boyfriend.. - June 29th 2010, 02:26 AM

that is a relationship you do not need. You are too good for that and dont deserve something like that in your life. You should keep your head up and be a strong woman like you are...
   
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Re: boyfriend.. - July 2nd 2010, 02:02 AM

Get away from this guy. What upsets me the most, you gave us no reason as to why you two are getting back together in the first place.
I'm all for second chances, but when a second chance puts you or someone else in danger, you can't give one.
Good luck.
   
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Re: boyfriend.. - July 2nd 2010, 07:09 AM

i'm giving him a second chance because he's changed a lot since we were together and i really do love him. i'm just scared because of what happened last time. he hasn't even come close to being violent this time though so i'm hoping it keeps up and everytime we're together someone is with us for now until my trust is back..


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Re: boyfriend.. - July 2nd 2010, 07:34 AM

Hi Sarah,

Personally, I don't think you should get back together with this guy. For three reasons:

1. Guys like that rarely change. Most people don't hit their partners and throw them into walls. If he does that, then it has somehow been ingrained in his mind that that is an appropriate way to treat someone. Maybe it's because of a bad home life or maybe it's some sort of chemical thing in his mind. Either way, when something has been ingrained in your mind like that, it's really hard to change.

2. Even if he is in a very small percentage of people who can change their behaviour, two months is not enough time to achieve that. People don't drastically change in such a short period of time. If you were ever going to get back together with him, I would recommend waiting for a much longer time.

3. You are scared of him. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who you are terrified of. Every time you are alone with him, you're going to be scared that he'll do something to you. Why be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you feel safe and happy?



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Re: boyfriend.. - July 2nd 2010, 08:15 AM

Really I can only advise you get out while you can.

People like that rarely change unless they've been through some drastic changes, such as very heavy counseling and having been reported and dealt with previously in the past. If he's done all these things in the past, then there is a very real possibility he'll do the same again.

Once you end up in a relationship like that, it only becomes harder to break free them longer it lasts. As you said his insults make you feel 2 inches tall. Over time it will affect your self-esteem and confidence badly, and he will use that to manipulate you. The truth is you really deserve far better. Physical abuse is completely illegal.

I know it might be hard to picture anything better or you might feel he's right when he talks down to you, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Stay strong, you deserve to be happy and there are people out there who will appreciate and care for you.


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Re: boyfriend.. - July 3rd 2010, 12:43 PM

There is no change for guys like him.

Get away from that relationship asap. It only gets worse if you stay with him.
   
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Re: boyfriend.. - July 4th 2010, 02:52 PM

Sarah,
This is the typical pattern I see with abusive relationships on this forum and other documentaries about these types of things. The abusers always claim that they have changed, and the victims just want to believe it because they still have feelings for them. For your own safety, it is not worth to take the chance that this could happen again. People have DIED because they got back into relationships like this. You shouldn't. There are better people out there that will treat you right and love you more than this loser ever will.
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Re: boyfriend.. - July 4th 2010, 09:49 PM

You really need to get as far away from him as possible. A guy that hits you doesnt truly care or love you. If you have to call the police and get them involved.


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Re: boyfriend.. - July 4th 2010, 10:33 PM

If your scared its going to happen again, I wouldn't get back with him.
I mean , he did it before, It is very possible he might do it again.
These things can also get very out of hand, and its a very dangerous situation.
Follow what seems right to you. Use your instincts.
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Re: boyfriend.. - July 11th 2010, 05:51 PM

I suggest get out now, my cousin was like this it's a vicious cycle and not a pretty one at that, no one deserves to be treated that way, you have the right to be happy and feel safe, you shouldn't feel afraid of someone who's supposed to be loving


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It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
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Re: boyfriend.. - July 12th 2010, 12:32 AM

I'm going to go ahead and close this as it's gotten a lot of good replies and has been bumped from over a week ago.

If you need anything else, Sarah, feel free to start another thread. Or you can PM me with any questions/if you want it reopened.


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