Triggering: I need to forgive them

[escape_thereal_world]

So, I've finally come to terms with the sexual assaults in my life. My mom says now I need to learn to forgive them. I'm trying to, but, well, it's obviously very hard.

I still have nightmares and even in the dark I get scared, even though I'm with my boyfriend.

Does anyone know how to forgive someone that's messed up a part of your life?

[Breathe]

In my opinion, you don't NEED to forgive anyone, as long as you're at peace with what happened. If forgiving them is going to make you feel better, than that's another story. But other than that? They don't deserve forgiveness.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

I faced the same thing with a young woman who mistreated me when I was younger. Give it time, trust me it took years and to this day I sometimes wonder whether I truly did or not.

You can try either talking it out with mom or someone else. Another option is to write it out as self expression sometimes helps.

It is GREAT that you came to terms with it though that is the first step.

[escape_thereal_world]

Thank you both, I appreciate it.

I think I'll talk with my mom about it more and see what she can suggest. She has been through something similar, and she says she forgave her attacker.

Maybe I don't need to forgive them, but as a Christian, I think it's my duty. But, maybe not right now. Maybe I do need more time before I can forgive them. At least I've accepted what happened.

[cleostar09]

For me, to finally accept what happened and to continue on with life is to forgive them. Forgiveness isn't for the person who wronged you, it is for you. Once you TRULY forgive that person, it almost feels like a weight has been lifted off of your life. It doesn't mean forget what happened, but to finally be at peace with it and the person. I hope this helps PM me if you want to talk further.

[Breathe]

I commend you for wanting to forgive them. I consider myself a Christian but personally, I will never forgive the person who sexually abused me. There's no question about it. You must be a very strong individual.

[escape_thereal_world]

Jasey, I hope you don't feel like I was calling you a bad Christian or anything. I was just saying, for MYSELF, I feel I need to forgive them.

Thank you all though, this has helped quite a bit. =3

[ShimmeringFaerie]

May I strongly recommend that you take a look at this article: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f79-r...giving-abuser/

I think it could really help you. It describes "forgiveness" more as "letting go of the bitterness" and I think that slight tweak in definition might really connect with you.