i hate him so much. is it ok the feel like this?

[theferretparade]

I was drunk, and I know their hands went beyond a friendly pat on the shoulder. I know it because I can remember the pressure of their hand on me where it shouldn't have been. It didn't go further to anywhere or situation that would've been REALLY bad.. so I thought I could just forget about it, move on. But it's not better. I just feel terrible. Just hate and disgust at in my stomach all the time and I can't feel better.

No matter how I look at it, it was wrong. And they act like nothing happened! Like everything's okay. It makes me feel so angry and trapped! I can't tell what happened because it would break my family's heart, but I just hate him so much. I wanna punch his face in. I want to kill him. I feel disgusting and upset and angry and I just want things to be normal again.

Do I have the right to be this angry and this hurt? How can I know people won't hear my side of the story and just think I'm whining or making it up for attention? I know I shouldn't- no one should- be violated, so my feelings must be justified. I hate the way things are. I just wanna know that my position is right, that I have a right NOT to see this person ever again if this is how they think they can treat me. I'm tired of being silent and being alone.

[Emily.]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you were hurt this way and you have every right to feel the way you do. No one has the right to touch us without our consent and what happened was in no way your fault.

If you don't want to see the person that violated you, that's your choice. You definitely don't have to. And you don't have to keep silent about this, hun. You deserve to have support from the people you love. I know it might be hard for your family to hear what happened, but I still think you should tell them. It's good to have them behind you when you're going through hard times.

I also think it might really help you to work with a therapist for awhile. An assault is hard to move past, but having a counselor there to help you is definitely beneficial. It's nice to have someone there to listen who won't judge and knows how to help.

I hope you're doing okay right now and think about talking to your family? You really do deserve support. Feel free to PM me anytime.
<3 Emily

[chelsealyn3994]

I agree very much with Emily.
I too have been in this position where it was a family member that I see on a weekly basis, and before I had enough courage to tell anyone, I struggled very much. I wanted him to fall of the face of the earth. But when I finally told a trusted adult, who was able to get me into counseling, it was the best feeling in the world.

I no longer care what he thinks or feels, and he no longer controls my thoughts. There's such a long list of things that telling someone could help you through, but you also need to know that you don't have to tell right away. You do so when you are ready, and again, you deserve all the support in the world. Best of luck, and I'm always just a PM away.

[deartrixie]

Well first of all, you arent alone and you have every right to feel the way you do. Secondly, did you know him, or was it a stranger? Theres always going to be he-said-she-said conflict, but the important part is, YOU know the truth and theres no denying that. I know it hurts, believe me, I know, but sometimes, you just have to try to block out what people say, the negative things at least, and focus on you, because thats all that matters. you can PM me anytime.

[Anna Skye]

First off, I'm so sorry this happened to you, and you have every right to be upset and hurt. You also have every right to express how you feel. Nobody should feel silenced. <3

[DarkSeph]

You have absolutely every right to feel that way. A lot of people in your situation blame themselves entirely, so realizing that it's wrong and hating the one who did this instead is really a good thing. Telling your family might be a good idea, I'm sure they care and I'm certain they would be happier you got this off your mind and felt better, rather than coping with it all alone and feeling awful. People will not think you're making it up for attention, just tell them honestly what happened. I know it's difficult, but it's not your fault in any way whatsoever, don't forget that, and you don't deserve to suffer alone.

[InnerDarkness]

[Edited by bringontherain - Reason: unhelpful to OP]

I don't believe its right to take advantage of someone because they are in that state.

Everyone has enemies and people they don't like or respect, sometimes for stupid little reasons and other times for real ones like this. If you do see him again, why not tell him quietly that you are aware of his actions and you've lost all respect for him because of it. There isn't a lot more you can do without the law getting involved.

I think thousands of people will agree that your feelings are justified and those who disagree will probably be ground out by them. There's nothing wrong with feeling angry, its a natural human instinct and in this situation it is completely logical for you to feel angry, if it happened to me I would be angry - I've even been angry at people taking advantage of my friends when they're drunk (and that's when I was sober, so no outside influence).

I guess my point is - Don't feel like a bad person for being angry, because almost everyone would feel the same in your position.