Nothing Really Happened?

[PlayingPretend]

I wasn't sure what to post as a title this topic.

I feel my question is rather silly or like it shouldn't matter, but it's been bugging me for a while... When I masturbate and use a vibrator for penetration - I've been trying recently, as I would like to try having sex with my boyfriend - it still hurts and feels uncomfortable. Not as in "it hurts as what I think is a result of the abuse." It hurts as in I'm still tight. Granted that it all happened three years ago... but is this even possible? Shouldn't I be a lot looser if my abuser "followed through?" I feel as though I'm looking for excuses for what happened - maybe seeking answers that might not even exist - but it's been on my mind ever since it came up in a piece I wrote a couple days ago... The problem is this is only one more piece of evidence, one more piece to the puzzle. I still don't remember what happened, even if it did happen at 16, and I do believe that this is a result of a drug being involved (not taken voluntarily). But is it possible that based on this alone, nothing happened? Or could something have happened and my body still be tight to the point penetration with a vibrator still stretches me like it does?

[SftBallbabe99]

A lot of girls can stay tight, or he might not have broke the hymen. Also, some girls can "tighten back up" if they're not sexually active. Don't take this as a sign, or over think it. If you know what happened to you, don't look for excuses. Your attacker doesn't deserve them.