nobody knows

[Frangelina]

nobody knows that when i was 7 i got sexually abused by a boy i knew..
nobody knows that a few years later a girl took to sexually abusing me too.
dont get me wrong i wasnt raped or anything just yanoo... other stuff

I feel dirty, humiliated and like scum.

It all happened years ago now but recently its all i can think about..

for most of my life people have been taking advantage of me and ive had enough now... no wonder im so screwed up.

im thinking of writing a letter to my CPN and telling him everything thats happened to me but hes not seeing me until the 16th and i dont know if i will be able to do it then, it seems like such a long time away.

im so ashamed and embarassed about what happened im scared of letting him know, what will happen if i tell him?
will he have to tell my parents even if its not happened in years?

any words of wisdom or encouragement would be appreciated.

much love,
chesca xox

[theatre=life]

Tell him. You need to tell someone. If you don't think you can say it out loud then write it in a letter. Just let him know. While it may seem like along way away it's only 13 days. If he does tell your parents then atleast they know and you won't have to tell them. I think he won't I know in the US we have a law that says they can't say anything and I think it'd apply here but I'm not sure how it works in the UK. I know how you are feeling. If you ever need someone to talk to pm me.

[Geb12596]

sometimes it helps me to write an anonymous letter and tie it to a balloon and just let it go. because sometimes you can't handle telling someone and having to look at them or face them and somehow its like telling the universe or shouting it from a rooftop but ya know... quieter

[Frangelina]

i dont think i could write it and tie it to a balloon for fear of someone finding it

I feel like i need to let people know after all this is the reason ive been so down recently, well one of them anyway...

im so worried that my parents will find out and that it will just give them another reason to exclude me from the family.

Is suppose 13 days isnt long but when you cant sleep because its replaying in your mind it just feels like so much longer.

im physically and mentally drained right about now.

chesca xox

[xbatmanx37]

I think you should tell him, he is bound by confidentiality and he won't tell your parents. Sometimes letting things out can make you feel better. It is not your fault or anything that you did to make these things happen to you. There are people in the world that take advantage of others, but it is only because they have issues within themselves, but remember there are also wonderful people out there that will treat others with the utmost compassion. I have been through some similar experiences as you, if you need to talk Im here.