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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Guardian_Angel Offline
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She is staying with her abusive ex boyfriend... - August 14th 2010, 09:01 PM

To give a brief background, the start of this year my girlfriend of 2 years cheated and left me, after experiencing a number of severe sexual attacks by a group of guys in her area.

I stayed by her side and supported her during the next 5 or so months, even though she was saying things like she didn't love me anymore, I couldn't leave her...

but the guy turned out to be abusive, something I suspected from the start. though it took 5 months, they broke up. And she came back to me, and since then I have realized the abuse was far worse and far deeper than even I knew.

He was physically abusive several times, pressured her into sex, guilt trips, blackmail and more even when she didn't want it, and emotionally, he completely crushed her. Constantly put her down and drove her already low self esteem into the mud...

But we was working on everything, we were both working very hard to rebuild the relationship and her as a person, and everything was beyond good till yesterday.

She was at her grans, and she told me she was going to be late home and she would wake me, and thats he loved me. and that was the last i heard of it, till early this morning at 3 AM her facebook status updated saying she was kicked out, but had a place to stay. I had my suspicions it was at her exes place, as he was on facebook just a few minutes before the update...

Later today it was confirmed, as the only response to all my texts was him, pretending to be her telling me "she" hated me and wanted me to go die... I know its him because he does this a lot before, and although he thinks that I am a female friend, he doesn't want her talking to me...

Btw this is a long distance relationship, I am in the UK and she is in Canada, plus her mother forbids her to talk to me since him... I just don't know what to do, the fact that she hasn't, maybe can't communicate with me just makes my worries for her safety worse.

I am scared that she will cheat, but I am holding on to all the good things she said recently and am more concerned with her safety... but I don't know what to do...


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Re: She is staying with her abusive ex boyfriend... - August 15th 2010, 10:12 PM

Hey Peter all I think you can really do is hope for the best. Hope that she is sticking to her word and hope that she is safe. If you EVER need somebody to talk to know that I'm here for you.


If you ever need somebody to talk to pm/vm me.


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Re: She is staying with her abusive ex boyfriend... - August 16th 2010, 12:22 AM

I don't think I need to tell you that this is a VERY bad situation. if there is ANY possible way you could get ahold of the canadian authorities or her parents or anyone that could ensure her safety then you need to.


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Re: She is staying with her abusive ex boyfriend... - August 22nd 2010, 03:28 AM

I know her mother doesn't want you talking with her, but could you possibly get in touch with her someway? I'm sure she'd want to know what's going on.
   
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Re: She is staying with her abusive ex boyfriend... - August 22nd 2010, 07:29 AM

hey Peter! we are all here for you! i agree with the others in asking is there any possible way of contacting her parents?police or any of her friends? i hope it all works out for you xxx


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Re: She is staying with her abusive ex boyfriend... - August 22nd 2010, 04:34 PM

Hey -

This is a really hard position to be in.. knowing she's not in a safe environment but being too far away to make sure she's not being hurt. Are you able to communicate directly with HER, not her ex? It sounds like she trusts you quite a bit, and if the two of you are close, she may listen to you when you tell her what you're worried about. She may need reminding that her ex is not a safe person to be around, and that she needs to keep away from him.

It's common for girls to go back to abusive guys - there are so many reasons why - but what your girlfriend needs to know is that you care about her and you're there for her, and you don't want to see her get hurt. If you can talk to her and remind her of that, convince her to work with you to find a safe place for her to go for a little while.

I agree that, although her mother doesn't want the two of you communicating.. if you really think she's in danger with her ex then it might be a good idea to try and contact her. Because of the distance, someone in her family would probably be more able to help her right now - someone who can take her in so she doesn't have to stay with her ex and such. A family member could also help her contact the proper authorities so her ex doesn't harm her again.

When working with someone to undo the damage caused by abuse.. just remember there are always ups and downs, and while this may set her back a little bit, she will heal. She's lucky to have someone as caring as you in her life, and she will get past this. Setbacks are tough - but they're not the end of the world.

Hang in there - best of luck and take care.



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