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Question Question 4 anyone, how'd you learn to trust again? - August 16th 2010, 05:08 PM

I've been through some stuff, say the least and I was just wondering how it was you sort of moved on and healed from it all? How did you learn to trust again? Guys just make me really nervous, and I always feel uncomfortable around them. I'm afraid to emotionally get attached, but not only that as soon as a guy tries to touch me in any way I tear up and have to turn away so they don't see how much I'm struggling. I do want to be able to trust again, I just don't know how to....so what did you do? How did you cope?
   
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Re: Question 4 anyone, how'd you learn to trust again? - August 16th 2010, 05:28 PM

I think the first step is forgiving the people who hurt you. You have to realize your relationships just weren't meant to be, and no longer dwell on the things that happened between you and the guys who hurt you. You can't still be angry with them and have negative feelings towards them. You have to accept what they did to you, because that's the first step in moving on from it.

Then you need to forgive yourself. Maybe you blame yourself for trusting them, for not knowing sooner than they would hurt you. You had no way of knowing, though, so you need to trust yourself to trust others. If you don't trust yourself, you'll never trust anyone else.

Realize that the other guys you meet aren't the same guys who hurt you. Just because you were hurt doesn't mean they will hurt you as well. You'll never be 100% sure that they can be trusted. Trust isn't about knowing you can trust someone, it's about daring to trust them even when you're not completely sure you can. Sure, you might end up regretting it, but you might not. You have to be willing to take the chance.

Believe in yourself to make the right choice in friends and in relationships. Good luck.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: Question 4 anyone, how'd you learn to trust again? - August 16th 2010, 05:38 PM

i agree with what Amanda said.
you need to forgive them, yourself, then just realize that not everybody is the same and is going to do the same thing the people that hurt you did.
you'll never get over it if you don't let go...

i hope that you learn to trust again.
stay strong <3
   
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Re: Question 4 anyone, how'd you learn to trust again? - August 17th 2010, 01:05 AM

Like Amanda and Amiko said, you have to forgive yourself, and the person who hurt you. I agree, you'll never fully get over it, but you'll relearn how to trust others. It might take you a while, but you will.

In the meantime, like Amanda said, remind yourself that the people with you aren't the person(s) who hurt you. Its was easiest for me to start with family, but if you're referring to being in a relationship, then I'm going to tell you flat out to take it slow. Racing into it will by far overwhelm you beyond belief. Its best to take time to get to know someone so you CAN learn to trust them. I think anyone will agree that after being abused or raped, that a lot of things are like being a baby - you have to relearn things all over again.

Don't force yourself into any situation you're not comfortable with, and take your time. You'll be happier with your choice in the long run. Feel free to PM me any time if you feel like you need to talk.





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Re: Question 4 anyone, how'd you learn to trust again? - August 26th 2010, 11:13 PM

trust is very complex, and it takes a long time to build. try not to feel like you have to move forward right now. i dont know the situation but i'm hoping no one expects that from you. take the time you need to heal, and eventually it will start to get easier and easier. everybody handles situations differently, so no one can tell you its time to move on, thats up to you and you only..
to build up the trust, start talking to a guy that you've known for a long time, and from there go on to another guy who maybe you dont know as well. hopefully after talking to different guys that you already know, it will be easier to talk to others.
maaybe some of this will help?


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that there is more love than hate, theres more heart than ache,
and we are stuck in this great big world together-
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Re: Question 4 anyone, how'd you learn to trust again? - August 28th 2010, 07:38 AM

It is a hard and long process. And it will take a step at a time to trust guys again. It took me 4years to trust my friends with thing. You have to forgive yourself and the fact it was not in your control, and now trusting others is. Take what you have in control and concentrate on that and you can always let other people know that you need get to know them before they can touch you in anyway that is uncomfortable to you.

I hope this helps, and I have been where you are, it took me 10 years for me to find someone I can trust in my life and now she is my mom and she opened her family yo me. If you need anything just send me a PM


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