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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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why am i always on my own? - August 20th 2010, 10:43 PM

i don't know how to get better. why won't somebody help me. all my life i have been on my own. ive had to do everything for myself and no-one has ever helped me.
as a child i went thru so much crap and no-one ever looked twice at me. a few weeks ago i told my aunt about how i'd been sexually abused for 5 years. i made a mistake coz she doesn't giv a toss. she hasn't helped me or talked to me about it one bit, and now im starting to think she doesn't even believe me.
i am struggling so hard coz ive never told anyone else except my therapist, so this was like a really big step fr me and she's gone and knocked me down, lower than i was before. ive only just started to talk about the things that happened to me as a child so now is the time i need her more than ever but she's totally blanking the subject. i don't know how im supposed to do this on my own. i can't do it anymore. ive always done everything on my own but this is just too much for me, its sumthing that is too hard for me to go through alone. i need her to help to get better. surely she can see that so why isn't she helping me, why? i don't understand.. what am i supposed to do?
im having flashbacks and nightmares about my past, i self-harm and im depressed, i don't know how to cope anymore...
   
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Re: why am i always on my own? - August 21st 2010, 09:20 PM

Hey,

I'm so sorry your aunt reacted that way when you opened up to her. Telling someone about being abused is such a scary thing to do, and it's such a hard step to take - and when you finally work up the strength to tell someone, and they react this way.. well it can feel like a slap in the face, right? It can definitely feel discouraging, too. You said it yourself, this was such a huge step for you, and your aunt reacted in a way that wasn't helpful at all.

I want you to think about what might have gone through her head when you told her - and remember that sometimes, people react poorly in the heat of the moment. It may have been difficult for her to process what you were saying. Ignoring the problem may be her way of handling the situation; it's very common for people to feel like if they ignore a situation, or if they pretend there isn't a problem, the problem will go away on its own. Now, you and I both know that's not true! Just the opposite - ignoring a problem can make things so much worse. But, not everyone thinks this way. I'm not making excuses for how your aunt reacted, but I want you to consider her side of the story. Understanding why someone reacts a certain way can make it easier to accept the fact they DID react poorly.

Now that your aunt's had time to process what you've told her - do you think it would be worth a try to talk to her again about this? To let her know how difficult it was for you to open up, and how her reaction made you feel? Sit down and have a serious talk with her about things. Tell her how much you're struggling right now, and how much you'd appreciate her support and advice and encouragement.

If she still doesn't listen.. don't let it discourage you, okay? Not everyone will react the way she did. There WILL be people who'll take what you say seriously, people who'll help and support you. Sometimes it takes a bit of work to find that person, but there's always someone. Even if it's just one person, there is always someone out there who wants to help. Maybe, for you, that person is another family member. Or a close friend, or a teacher or someone who works at your school. Find someone you trust and try reaching out again. No matter what happens, keep reaching out until someone listens, okay? You deserve help just as much as anyone else.

Recovering from sexual abuse is tough, and while it's not impossible to heal on your own, it's definitely a lot harder when you don't have a strong support system. You mentioned you're currently seeing a therapist, which is good - therapy can be such a huge help in the healing process. It's a safe environment where you can release your thoughts. What if you tried talking to your therapist about building up a strong support system? Made of friends, family members, adults in your life you trust and feel comfortable with? Support is invaluable, you can NEVER have too much of it.

Hang in there - you're really strong for making it this far. Best of luck and take good care of yourself.



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Re: why am i always on my own? - August 22nd 2010, 08:44 PM

It is not fair that your aunt isnt paying any attention to you but, the good is that you are getting help with your therapist and to say the truth about the flashbacks and the nightmares,

What i have done is when i am in a flashback i try looking around and seeing what is around me, just to know that i am not in that place where i was abused anymore, and i dont have to go back anymore, also with the flashback i dont know if you would like someone trying to comfort you and being there when you get a flasback.

With the nightmares i usually get a cup of warm milk or tea (which ever you would want). Also it may be silly but, maybe having something that would be there in your bed like a stuff animal or something close to you.
   
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Re: why am i always on my own? - August 24th 2010, 12:09 AM

hi im srry this happened to u.
anyway ur aunt just might not be able to accept this. its hard fro some people to imagine something so horrilble happening to someone they love so they choose to ignore it. ty talking to her about it agai good luck.
just take it a breath at a time.
   
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