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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Fear - August 23rd 2010, 09:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When i was younger i was physicly abused/bullied by my older cousin who was three years older then I. I learned to put up with that kind of behavior tord me and didn't think that maybe I shouldnt have been putting up with it for no reason. Basicly for a long time I thought it was normal to take everyones stress and anger. Now I'm over that, and I've learned to stand up for myself. What I do deserve. That it is not may fault that others have anger. But whenever I see anger or annoyence, it scares me crudless. I freeze and panic a bit. I have no idea if its directed at me or if its totally unrelated to the conversation. Pretty much what I'm saying is that whenever someone gets angry I get freaked out and am fearfull of everyone. Because I'm afraid I'm going to get close to someone and they are going to end up hitting me or yelling at me. I know that I have to take risks and get over it. Because if I haul the fear around its going to prevent me from finding what could really be a good relationship.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking. I guess its how to get a grip on the fear and not be so afraid. Because its any anger that frightens me. Even when not pointed to me. I have a councler but hes been out of town for a while and i'd just like to have some feed back.

"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

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Last edited by Emily.; August 24th 2010 at 02:28 AM. Reason: changed prefix to fit guidelines
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Fear - August 27th 2010, 05:00 AM

if theres anyone that is close to you, really close to you. maybe a friend, they are good people to turn to. hopefully they know you really well, even if they dont know what went on and what is going on. talk to them a lot so that you are very comfortable being around them. if theres an arguement or disagreement starting to come up, dont back away from it. these arguements with close friends dont mean anything. your friend is still your friend no matter what you disagree on. they arent mad at you, and they still love you the same. maaybe after a while you'll be more used to people arguing against you. it doesnt always mean that they are mad at you.

a fight doesnt always mean hate or yelling or violence, usually, its just two people sharing two different opinions.
maybe this helped? idk, sorry if it couldn't. i really hope you are able to move past this fear good luck!

-i still believe,
that there is more love than hate, theres more heart than ache,
and we are stuck in this great big world together-
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Re: Fear - August 29th 2010, 06:15 PM

Hey there,

It's always hard to work through things from our past. It's really good that you're seeing a counselor and I think talking to him about it all would be really beneficial when he gets back. I'm sure he would have some ideas for you to try out.

The above post is really true, too. A lot of arguments are just about expressing opinions and are completely safe. Maybe you could talk to your friends about what's going on and ask them to help you out? Even just getting into debates about unimportant topics could help you become more assertive and less afraid in situations where there is arguing.

The last thing I want to add is that it's okay to feel this way. If you have to just get up and walk away when someone's angry, that's okay. You don't have to put up with people yelling or getting upset. Leave and come back when they're more collected. You can explain to them that you don't handle anger well and you'd love to talk to them if they can remain halfway calm and not yell.

I hope you're doing okay. You can always PM me if you want to talk.
<3 Emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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