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Kimberley Offline
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Name: Kimberley
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Memory.. - August 26th 2010, 01:43 AM

Hi there,

Until recently I had never had very clear memories of what happened to me... I knew that it had happened, but I could never really remember how or really any details.

Lately, I've been having intense flashbacks of things that happened years ago, I mean like 7-9 years ago. Maybe it's because I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality and gender and other such things lately, I'm really not sure.

The problem is, that every time I even kind of remember something, I FREAK out. I can't function. And sometimes, I think I see my dad places. Or I convince myself he's trying to break into my apartment.

Just weird. and I'm not sure how to make them stop.

Help?

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Amanda-Marie Offline
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Re: Memory.. - August 26th 2010, 01:57 AM

Well first of may i ask do you have anyone very close to you that knows who you can talk to when u feel convinced that hes going to break into your apartment so that they can remind you that it is unrealistic and most likely wont happen? Second of all when you start feeling that way saying some things to yourself out loud may help you, because then when you say it out loud you hear the way that it sounds and if these thoughts are logical and realistic or not. For example you can tell yourself that your dad is not going to break into your apartment and that what happened in the past is not happening now nor will it. You should tell yourself that like everyday and when flashbacks happen or you are having a hard time functioning. Above this it may be a good idea to get some help like a therapist or something. If you need someone to talk to or some more help then feel free to contact me anytime
   
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Re: Memory.. - August 27th 2010, 01:57 AM

Kimberley -

Memories are very, very tough to deal with. When they start coming back, it can be extremely scary and confusing - and I want you to know that it's perfectly okay, and very normal to be feeling this way because of the new memories and the flashbacks. It's a lot to take in at once, a lot to wrap your head around and to cope with.

Is there someone you can contact when you have a new memory, or when you're having flashbacks? It might be good to have a couple of people to turn to - you can never have too much support, and in case you can't reach one person it's good to have a backup. Find a close friend, a family member, someone you trust.. your support person doesn't even have to know that you were abused. You can just tell them you're struggling a bit right now - you don't have to go into any details you're not comfortable sharing! - and ask if it's okay to call them sometimes when you're not feeling particularly safe.

After a flashback, get on the phone with someone immediately - if not the phone, then skype, oovoo, see someone in person.. talking to someone else in real-time, hearing someone's voice reminding you that you're in the present, not the past, and that you are absolutely safe from your abuser, is a good way to ground yourself and to reduce the panic. And, sometimes it just helps to have someone to break down. Flashbacks are very scary, but you don't have to go through them alone. Another idea is, if your flashbacks tend to occur at a certain time, try not to be alone around that time.. see if you can be with a friend, a group of friends, online with someone, just so you don't have to go through it alone.

If you're feeling paranoid that he'll break into your apartment - is there anything that could help put your mind to ease? Like keeping all the lights on, keeping the blinds shut, changing the locks on your doors etc? Little things like that could help you remember, when you're scared, that you're safe and no one is going to hurt you.

Learn different ways of grounding yourself.. carry a small, meaningful object around with you, focus on your breathing, count backwards from a hundred, blast music, draw, paint, scream, write.. there are so many methods of keeping yourself grounded in the present, it's just a matter of which method works best for you.

Keep yourself safe.. and again, definitely find someone to talk to about this, there is no reason you should have to cope with this on your own. Best of luck and take care.



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