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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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First Exam After the Abuse - August 28th 2010, 02:25 AM

So this is the first pelvic exam i am going to get since everything has happened when I was a kid. And I am nervous and scared. Any advice anybody, I am just afraid of being triggered and just freaking out on the doctor and everyone since I know I am getting pain just thinking about it. Oh sigh, why does it just hurt to have somebody see me when I have to undress especially in a doctors office, and it isn't like my doctor is male. She is wonderful but we have tried several times to do it, but I freaked. I am wondering if anybody has any advice?


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Re: First Exam After the Abuse - August 28th 2010, 03:29 AM

maybe there is someone really supportive that could wait for you, like your bestfriend or a family member. just someone who can calm your nerves just a little. and take it slow, because no one is forcing you to do anything, so decide to do it on your own free will, feeling like you are forced just wont help.
talk to the doctor first, become more comfortable around her. she is only there to help and if she is making you nervous, you'll need to work through that.
i hope some of this helped
and i hope you can stay stroong and do this


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Re: First Exam After the Abuse - August 28th 2010, 07:29 AM

I am not being forced but I can't feel anything down there and it is concerning, we have discussed this before over and over again but it is just scary that she has to look. I am afraid that it will validate my father is/was a pervert. I am scared since I remember bleeding a little at sometimes especially when big things don't go in small hole (sorry if this this triggering). But I don't feel anything and it stings alot when I have my period and it is kind of worry-some.


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Re: First Exam After the Abuse - August 28th 2010, 12:06 PM

Abby -

It's perfectly, 100% okay to be scared about this, and very normal to feel this way. You were hurt very badly, and you're still in the healing process; it's totally okay to be afraid of the exam, to worry about being triggered. After being abused, sometimes it can be tricky to tell when something is safe.. the lines kind of blur, you know? We trigger by different things and when triggered, it's difficult to remind ourselves that we ARE safe and no one is going to hurt us. Does that make sense?

In the doctors office, you are safe. You said it yourself that your doctor is wonderful, and she's not going to cause you any harm. She needs to look because she wants to help and make sure you're healthy and okay. She's not going to hurt you, okay? Something to try is taking a small notebook and writing "I am safe" over and over - for one thing, the more you write or say something, the more likely you are to believe it, and for another, physically writing out that you're safe could help reinforce the fact that no one is going to hurt you.

Definitely go over your concerns with your doctor - make sure she knows that you were abused, that you're scared of triggering and you don't know what kind of affect the appointment will have on you. It might be a bit easier if you could bring a close, trusted friend too.. someone to hold your hand and remind you that you're safe, you're in the present and no one is hurting you. Having a comfortable, familiar face can make the whole process a little less scary.

Best of luck and take good care of yourself.



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