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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
WhySoSerious? Offline
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Moving Forward? - August 30th 2010, 05:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So just over a month ago, my bf of about 6 months started to physically abuse me. He's got a lot of mental disorders and things which make him act harsh and sometimes borderline mental abusive but never physically abusive.

In early July the first incident happened... we were on a break at the time and I went to his house to make sure he was alright because a friend told me he wasn't doing well. While I was there, he attempted suicide and in preventing him, I somehow triggered him to become some sort of alter ego. He suddenly was very cold and lifeless, and referred to himself in the third person like he was someone else entirely. He roughed me up fairly bad and tried to strangle me to death... I ended up using my pocket knife to escape and ran outside, after that he changed back...

The second incident happened more recently and he switched while we were drunk and being intimate. I didn't realize it at first and thought he was just being too rough, but after some time I realized and he strangled me until I passed out... I woke up shortly after while he was dragging me to the room and I panicked and ran outside into his neighbor's yard naked... and then collapsed crying on their lawn. He came and found me but didn't seem to remember the incident at all and was completely convinced I was just being delusional, eventually after talking about it the next day... He believed me and told me to call the mental hospital if he ever switched again.

The first time hardly affected me once the shock wore off and things went back to normal... But the second time has been haunting me since, whenever I'm alone with him in that house I always need to know there's something I can use as a weapon near me in order to fall asleep. Sometimes even when I'm not with him I need to hold a knife under my pillow. And I'm unable to keep my mind from it no matter what.... I randomly flash back to it whenever I'm not 100% occupied with something and I'm terrified of being in the dark.

I just want to move on from this, school is starting tomorrow and I really just want to find a way to get my life back. I have too much stress already and this added on to everything almost makes it impossible for me to function.... I have a therapist I just can't talk to her about it because it's too hard to talk about and I dont want my bf to get in trouble.

Does anyone have any advive that could help me get on with my life...



~Where death is I am not, where I am death is not, so we never meet~


I'd rather die terrified

than live forever.
We will all die so gloriously, that having ever lived will seem like folly.
-Asofterworld

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Unknown10 Offline
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Re: Moving Forward? - August 30th 2010, 01:08 PM

Hey,

Im sorry this is happening, it must be hard having a friend who does that to you. Have you ever thought about telliing someone about it?, someone you trust? there are many people you should be able to talk to.

I understand that what he is doing maybe cant be helped, but he is hurting you, and you're not happy with it. Have you considered getting him some more help? He may need some help to cope, and to control his actions.

It is great that you are still with him, showing how much you care and how much you love him. Maybe getting him some help will be the best thing.

If you ever need to talk PM me, im more than happy to help

Lex-Fauzia.
   
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Emily. Offline
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Re: Moving Forward? - August 30th 2010, 07:41 PM

Hey there, Vicki.

It sounds like you are being put in some pretty scary situations. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but have you thought about ending or at least putting the relationship on hold for awhile? He needs to get help and you need to be able to feel safe. Even though he isn't intentionally hurting you, he's still hurting you and you don't deserve that at all.

If you want this relationship to work out in the long run, he needs to get help for himself first. You'll never feel safe and happy with him unless he does. Maybe you could sit down and talk to him about this? If he truly loves you he'll understand and want to get help for himself and for what the two of you have.

If he gets violent with you or threatens suicide again, I really think it would be a good idea to call the police. They can have him mandatorily placed in a mental health unit where, if he's willing, he can start to get the help he needs.

As for moving on from this, I think you need to first make sure you are safe and then talk to someone. It's hard to get over abuse, no matter the intentions behind it. Do you think you could try talking with a counselor about everything? They can really help us to work through assaults and start to feel more secure.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Keep yourself safe and you can PM me if you ever need to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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