Reoccurring

[escape_thereal_world]

Alright, so briefly, I've been sexually abused a few different times in my life. Last time was just over a year ago. All were very very close friends/family.

Anyways, reason for this thread is because suddenly, with no known trigger, I freak out when my boyfriend holds me. If we're kissing, I start to panic. When we're doing anything sexual, I hold my fear in until we're done then go to the bathroom and cry.

What the heck is going on? I'm not thinking about what happened to me. I just suddenly feel panicked around my boyfriend, but he shows no signs for a reason to be threatened.

Help?

[ashleyellen1637]

Could possibly be PTSD. I know a lot of people who experience traumatic events, end up having this later in life. Similar to war veterans. A lot of them are known to have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) because of what they wittness in war. You were raped numerous times, which is very traumatic. If you dont already, id suggest going to a counseler to work through all of your feelings and thoughts about what has happened to you in the past. Also, maybe talk to your boyfriend about it? If you both really care about eachother then you'll both want to get through this, so you can enjoy the physical part of the relationship as well as the emotional, and he can do the same knowing your at ease with your past.

I hope this helped..

[Emily.]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you have been hurt by those people in your life. I hope you know you didn't deserve any of it and it wasn't your fault.

Unfortunately, there's no time limit on how long past abuse can effect us. Sometimes people feel it's effects right away, sometimes it lays in wake for years, and still other times it simply comes and goes. There are a lot of reasons why this happens. Maybe now that you are in a safe and loving relationship, your mind feels safe enough to process what happened.

No matter the reason, though, the best thing to do is to talk and get support. Tell your boyfriend what's going on with you and if you start to feel that way while being with him, tell him you need to stop. If he cares about you, he'll understand.

I agree with Ashley about it being a good idea to go and talk with a counselor about what's going on. You deserve support through this and a therapist can really help us to work through things in our lives.

It might also help you to try some different grounding techniques when you start to panic. Good articles on this can be found here and here.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Be good to yourself and if you ever need to talk you can always PM me.
<3 Emily

[escape_thereal_world]

Thank you both. I have told my boyfriend already. He's understanding about it. Also waiting on my first counseling session. Thanks for the links though. I'll be trying some of that stuff.

I guess I didn't think of PTSD affecting me. Ha. But yeah, hopefully my counselor will be able to help.

Again, thanks!