My dance teacher

[rebeccajane]

I find this really awkward. My dance teacher looks just like the guy that attacked and raped me a couple of months ago. When i started this dancing, it was this awesome lady with the same name as me. But then this guy took over the class. I find it really hard. But i love the dancing, done it all my life. And my mum and a few friends do this one with me. They don't know about it. So i cant just leave, and ive paid so much for the classes. I have always loved being in the front, so i could see the teacher clearly etc, but i hate being close to him. Please help!

[laughter]

I'm so glad you have dancing. It is a great outlet and personally it is my favorite thing in the world to do!
And I also understand about the look-a-like problem. A junior in my school loooks like the man that attacked me. I tried talking to him and getting to know him for who he is. I gave him a nickname and play with his hair to make him look different. It doesn't bother me anymore. I suggest you try that. Don't associate him with that horrible man.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

Is there anyway you could tell your mom about this? Let her know how you are feeling so that she can give you some support? I would hate to see you give up your dancing and if you had some emotional support while you went it might help.

Another thing you could consider doing is asking the instructor if there are any different dance classes that you could transfer too. You don't have to explain to him why you want to do it but just let him know that it isn't working for you.

And I agree that you try not to associate the person with the man who attacked you. I was abused by an older gentleman who had gray hair so anytime I see 1) an older person 2) someone with greyish white hair I kind of clam up. I recently started hanging out with this group of people and one of them is a bit older and has grey hair. The first few times I was really uncomfortable and could only associate him with BAD; however I slowly got to know him and realized he was not bad. This helped a lot. Another instance was this person that works in my favorite coffee shop. He has gray hair and does have other attributes that remind me of my abuser. The first few months of going into the coffee shop I felt really uncomfortable however I slowly got to know this person and realized he isn't a bad guy.

The thing about rape and abuse is that our attackers leave an imprint of themselves on us and it distorts our view of people and the world. When we see someone that has something that is similar to our abusers we can have panic attacks and start to feel uncomfortable. While those things are not easy to get over the best thing to do is to try to work on reminding yourself that he is not your attacker. He may have some similarities but he is not the person that hurt you.

If you work on getting to know him as a person you might begin to realize this and be able to get over the feelings you have for him. I know that is not an easy thing to do but with time it can happen.

I hope this helped and best of luck.

Jenna