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Shopaholic Offline
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Is it just me? - September 12th 2010, 05:01 PM

Does anyone get really annoyed when people say not to live in the past. And I feel like saying the past is now for me (with flashbacks and the just general fear of abuse happening agian). How do you deal with not living in the past?

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ForeverAutumn* Offline
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Re: Is it just me? - September 12th 2010, 06:42 PM

Hi Meg -

Isn't it so aggravating when people tell you to just move on with your life, forget about your past and live in the present? Anyone who's been abused knows that moving on is much easier said than done. It's very difficult to get your mind out of the past when you're trying to heal after you've been hurt, between flashbacks and memories and all the overwhelming and confusing emotions. When someone says something like that - just to live in the present and forget the past - often, it's because they lack firsthand experience with abuse. They don't understand how hard it can be to recover, and it's not their fault; it's really hard to know how to help someone who's been abused without experience. So try to keep that in mind when someone tells you to just live in the present. As frustrating as it may be, they don't mean to annoy or aggravate you, they just don't understand.

That being said - again, living in the present isn't easy when you're going through the healing process. It does take time, effort, and a lot of practice. As you reach out to those around you, as you talk about the abuse and work through all the thoughts and feelings, it slowly becomes easier to focus on your present and your future, and to get out of the past. If you have someone to talk to about the abuse, then I strongly, strongly recommend going to that person for support! Seriously, just talking about what's in your head can be such a huge help and it makes the healing process so much easier.

Hang in there and take really good care of yourself! It gets easier with time and practice, so don't give up hope. Here if you need anything.

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Re: Is it just me? - September 14th 2010, 04:55 AM

I tried talking to one of my friends about what I went through, but she didn't think it was a big deal. She told me that I just needed to get over it.
It really hurt my heart.
I totally know where you're coming from with this. I think that's probably why there are professionals out there, though, to help us deal with these things at our own pace. And I totally agree with Sarah

"He kissed her, he kissed her, he kissed her.
Little, by little, by little."

- Gregory Maguire
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