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cnfusedgirl Offline
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is it ok to be trated like shit? - September 14th 2010, 10:29 PM

im a 19 year old girl..and i need to know..if i deserve this.

i started dating this guy almost 2 years back now..a few months into our relationship my ex-boyfriend came into my life again. we (my ex and i) started talking on the phone very regularly and became really close again. I got confused about which 1 i had feelings for and broke up with my current boyfriend..to be with my ex.but 2 days later i realised tht my current boyfriend is the 1 i wanna be with and i went back to him.

however my current boyfriend never trusted me..he checked my mails, my phone..told me what to speak and who to speak to.basically tried to gain control of my entire life.he even hit me a few times and when i protested against these things he said i deserved to be treated like shit because of what i did to him.

eventually i had enough of his maniac controlling and broke up with him, however in my new found freedom i went overboard and made out with my ex bf. my current bf then started asking me out again claiming he had changed..so i gave him another chance but told him the truth about my kiss with my ex.

I am still with this guy..but the controling has increased to new levels.He made me delete my facebook account, because of him my friends no longer speak to me.so im a 19 year old girl with absolutely no friends.even my family is sick and tired of me.when i go out(which is mostly only with my family cz he ensured i have no friends) he makes me take pictures of them so tht i have proof tht i was out with family.he even tells me about the clothes i should wear and how much i should speak in public.He also has physically, verbally and emotionally abused me numerous times.In short words, there is nothing tht i do in my life tht is not decided by him.

He loves me and when things are nice its an amazing relationship. But im starting to doubt tht i actually do deserved to be hit and treated like shit jst coz of what i did.Hes a nice guy..but do i really deserve to be treated like this?
   
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Re: is it ok to be trated like shit? - September 14th 2010, 10:46 PM

Short answer: No. NO!

This is not just his relationship, it's yours also. If you are uncomfortable with any part of this relationship you owe it to yourself to bring it up with him. If he refuses to modify his behavior than you are not in a loving relationship at all. If he is preventing your from being happy outside of the relationship you have to break it off. It's simple, if the relationship doesn't work for you, you shouldn't have to work to keep the relationship going.
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Re: is it ok to be trated like shit? - September 14th 2010, 11:14 PM

No one ever deserves to be treated like that.
You are your own person, free to be friends with whoever you want to be and with however many people you choose.
He has no right to tell you how much or what to say, what to wear, and most of all, HE HAS NO RIGHT TO ABUSE YOU, whether it be verbal, physical, or emotional abuse.
You need to either distance yourself from him or let him no things can't continue to be this way.
If he cares for you at all, he will be a better person to you.
If he doesn't try, or he is unsuccessful, he is not the guy for you.
   
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Re: is it ok to be trated like shit? - September 15th 2010, 12:30 AM

Here is the short answer
No No No no no no no no no no!

Long answer:
He has an odd definition of being "prefect" and "in love". You maybe a "couple" but he has no right to dictate your life. You have every right to decide how you hang out with, what you were, how much, and what you talk about and you know...your LIFE! A healthy Relationship is about sharing your life with someone, not controlling your partners life. He maybe sweet and wonderful in person, but is it worth losing your friends and you self respect?

I hope this answers your question. Be safe and reconsider what you value.
William


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Re: is it ok to be trated like shit? - September 16th 2010, 05:18 AM

He doesn't love you. I've been married for over a year and I don't see that as love. He's just insecure so he's controlling you to make himself feel better. I really hope you leave him soon and don't go back to him because he will say a lot of things to get sympathy but don't fall for it. You don't deserve this, no one deserves it. Love means respect, at least.


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Re: is it ok to be trated like shit? - September 16th 2010, 09:28 PM

he's either doing it to get even with you or its something you used to do before. If you did use to do those or some of those things before and love him, continue to do so, as for others talk it trough with him. he may love you a lot! IM sure your post might seem weird since it differs from others here, but trust me.

He's either A) trying to get even, which youll recognize later or B) really in love with you and dont want to lose you and feeling insecure hence the overprotectivness.

in any case act like you enjoy doing those things, as if you love him as much and feel sorry for cheating and understand him completely. (I would understand my gf if she did this to me.) As time passes by he'll chill more and more, and you might even have the same look at things like he does. In any case once things cool down you'll know if he loves your or not by slowly trying to make him loosen up and stop asking you to do such things. if he denies even after a longer while, after you gain his trust again then he doent love you, if he starts changing then he still loves you! it just takes time

EDIT: However judging by the title of this thread, you're looking for sympathy and a reason to break up and be mad at him. so yeah forget what i told you if you want to feel as if you dont 'deserve' to be treated the way you are currently. IN any case thats a pretty much normal reaction from ac heated partner - loosing trust. He never forgave you, thats for sure.
   
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