TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
luvflamingos Offline
Member
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
luvflamingos's Avatar
 
Name: Mary
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 808
Blog Entries: 37
Join Date: August 19th 2010

trust - September 16th 2010, 09:42 PM

I really like this boy. I think about him all the time when he is not around. As much as I want his attention and affection, I have a really hard time trusting boys. I was raped several years ago. It was easier for me to be with a girl friend a few weeks ago. I just don't know what to do. I think I am falling in love. He and I are both sick, but that kind of makes things easier because he knows what I going through and I know what he is going through. But I know nothing of love, especially loving a boy. How do I trust a male? Can I ever? Should I trust him? Should I allow myself to love him? Memories never seem to fade. I just dont know.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
*weepingstar* Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
*weepingstar*'s Avatar
 
Name: whats in a name?
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: college

Posts: 225
Join Date: August 17th 2010

Thumbs up Re: trust - September 16th 2010, 09:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvflamingos View Post
I really like this boy. I think about him all the time when he is not around. As much as I want his attention and affection, I have a really hard time trusting boys. I was raped several years ago. It was easier for me to be with a girl friend a few weeks ago. I just don't know what to do. I think I am falling in love. He and I are both sick, but that kind of makes things easier because he knows what I going through and I know what he is going through. But I know nothing of love, especially loving a boy. How do I trust a male? Can I ever? Should I trust him? Should I allow myself to love him? Memories never seem to fade. I just dont know.
i was also raped i was little and suffer with post tramatic stress disorder and various other issues because of it. You can learn to trust. To this day i have serious trust issue with all guys, but over time you can do it. the best thing to do is ease yourself into it. hang out with him and maybe some mutual friends too. dont jump n2 the 1 on 1 thing. but you can do this


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
lostandalone Offline
Forgotten loser
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
lostandalone's Avatar
 
Name: Erika
Age: 22
Gender: Female

Posts: 384
Blog Entries: 98
Join Date: November 1st 2009

Re: trust - September 17th 2010, 02:47 PM

Hi Mary

I also have the same trust issue with boys as you, for the same reason.
"How do I trust a male" you ask, that is a challenging question. I use to hate everthing male, including my dad. While,that is a normal reaction it is also unfair. I have learned to judge the person not the gender. There are a lot of kind and affectonate males in the world that do respect females.

The only advice I can give is, proceed at a pace that is comfortable to you, let him earn your trust, talk to him, (espcially if he does anything that makes you feel uncomfortable) and allow yourself to feel things about him without guilt.

Of course the memory of the rape(s) will never completely fade, but it can be made to go to a small corner of your mind and have minimal effect on your life. You can use the "good" portions to keep yourself safe ( like awareness of your surroundings, people, areas, time of day and the like)

I think you are very brave to enter the world of relationships (even more so since you are also ill) Also, don't worry about knowing nothing about love---no one else does either !!! It is just somthing that needs to be experienced.

So don't rush into anything and don't feel you "must" do things... just deal with things as they come up and enjoy yourself. Overcoming the effects of rape is challenging but you can do it. Just remember "Real men don't rape"

I wish you the best and I'm sorry about being so long winded. I hope this helps a little.




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling

Last edited by lostandalone; September 17th 2010 at 02:50 PM. Reason: fix some spelling and grammar mistakes
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
luvflamingos Offline
Member
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
luvflamingos's Avatar
 
Name: Mary
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 808
Blog Entries: 37
Join Date: August 19th 2010

Re: trust - September 17th 2010, 08:33 PM

I am not brave at all. I have just gotten better at holding onto the rails so that I don't fall. I am a girl who is actually very scared to death. Many days I wake and can not even catch my breath. I cry almost daily, but the tears no longer come. Just today I had chills but still felt so numb. This to will come to pass they say. From myself, I just can't run away. Why is my life so hard. How come I was the one dealt this card. These are the questions I do not understand. All I know is that wasn't my plan. Althouh my voice is silent, I scream loudly inside. From myself, I can not longer hide. So I must take my feelings and yeah, I will move on. Live for this day because it will soon be gone. What tomorrow will bring I can only guess. I just hope I get to chat with Erika and Jess. Maybe being loved is a privilege and not a right. I just want one day that within myself I do not fight. Released myself from my past. But the memories seem to last. Haven't the dues I have paid? Can the memories just fade? I cup my hands and blow in some air. I raise them to the sky and release without care.


Thank you for your very kind words of encouragement Weepingstar and Eryykah. I wish I knew what else to say. Almost everyday, this site reminds me that I am not alone. I am not alone. Although in the case right now, I kinda wish I was. No girl should ever have to feel this way. I'm sorry. No one should ever have to feel this way. I will try to trust.

Last edited by luvflamingos; September 17th 2010 at 09:57 PM.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,679
Blog Entries: 1760
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: trust - September 19th 2010, 01:10 PM

Mary,

I think it is good that you are going to try to trust; the biggest suggestion I can give you is to take it slowly. Baby steps are the best thing in this situation.

I find that I have the same problem as you, in a way, I am so much more comfortable with woman then I am men. I don't care if a woman checks me out, I don't have a problem chatting with a woman, etc. However, when it comes to straight men I freeze up. I really hate this because I want with all my heart to be able to talk to guys. But, I think the reason that I have trouble with guys is because they are a threat. See, when it comes to guys I have a past of being hurt over and over again and so that is all I expect. I have the idea in my head that the only guy who would want me would want to hurt me. I don't EVER want to be hurt like that again so I try to hide from it. I don't know if that is what you are dealing with but I just thought I would put that perspective out there.

Now, I think being able to realize that you have these trust issues will take you a long way. Identifying your problem is always the most important thing. From there you work on it slowly.

What are some things you fear? What are some things that make trusting him hard? I would suggest making a list of these things and then talking them over with someone. I don't know if that is possible but it could really help to talk to an objective person about your fears.

Also, maybe you could make a list of reasons why trusting him would be good. It might help you to have that to hang onto when you are really struggling with the trust that you are giving him.

Lastly, remember that while trusting him is going to be scary there are a lot of things that it can give you. If you trust someone you open yourself to being loved however if you don't allow yourself to trust you might miss out on that love.

Please hang in there and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
luvflamingos Offline
Member
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
luvflamingos's Avatar
 
Name: Mary
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 808
Blog Entries: 37
Join Date: August 19th 2010

Re: trust - September 30th 2010, 10:01 PM

Update: I told Charlie everything about my past. I thought long and hard about it. (and made a list) To me, it was truly the only way to trust even myself. What if he were to even accidently touch me and I freaked out. It would not be fair to him for not knowing why. I had only one friend who knew everything about me. Now Charlie knows. Not sure how he is taking it though. He seems to have something on his mind, but wouldn't say what. Maybe I shouldn't have told him everything. I also told him that I really like him.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Jenny. Offline
~Computer Hugger~
Not a n00b
**
 
Jenny.'s Avatar
 
Name: Jenny
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 81
Blog Entries: 7
Join Date: July 5th 2010

Re: trust - October 1st 2010, 12:58 PM

I'm sure he's going to support you and love you despite what has happened in your past. Good Luck and please feel free to PM me anytime you get an update!
  Send a message via MSN to Jenny.  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
trust

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.