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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Guys - September 18th 2010, 12:49 AM

Due to my abuse I cannot talk to straight men. I just cannot do it. Every time I am around straight men I freeze up. I go into fight or flight mode I guess and I freeze. How do you get over it?

There is this guy that I have known from last semester, he has a girlfriend so I am not interested in him romantically, but we see each other and he used to say hi but I had sooo much trouble just saying hi. So, I kind of ruined any chance of a friendship. And now I see him and he doesn't say hi and I ignore him because I just get scared. I go back to myself as that child be abused and I freeze. How do you get over it? How do I work on talking to guys? Nothing romantic either, not like I want tips on flirting, but how do I over come that fear and say 'Hi _____' or "How have you been lately'. I can't seem to do it and I don't know if there are any ways to work on it.

Ugh, I sound so lame but this is the one thing my abuse has really taken from me; my ability to talk and connect with men and I want to gain that back. I just can't figure out how...


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Re: Guys - September 18th 2010, 01:09 PM

Hi Jenna,
First off i'm very sorry for whatever happenend to you and you are not "lame". I know actactly how you are feeling with not being able to say hi to guys. I freeze too. The one thing that helps me feel a little more comfortable with saying hi is just relizing that not all guys are bad. I know that sounds like a really obvious answer but seriously not all guys are going to hurt you. Another thing that you can do is talk to someone it can be as simple as a friend or maybe try a therapist. I know talking to someone has helped so maybe it will do the same for you. If you ever need to talk now that I'm always here.
-Megan


   
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Re: Guys - September 18th 2010, 06:34 PM

Well I believe the issue you have is surrounding the fact that you feel as though all men are aggressive and abusive. The way to change is not by forcing yourself to talk to guys. I think it would be much healthier for you to first see men do kind things and start to make yourself realize that a lot of men can be extremely heartfelt people. Thus building up to a certain trust level. You must be able to spot kind acts that guys do and take that into account when you go to meet them; odds are they will be a good person. Living through an abusive relationship can leave dramatic scars, in your case scars that have tainted the way you view a group of people.

Your view is not correct, you know this to be true. You need to take certain steps towards working through this issue to build a healthy relationship later on in life. At some point you will need to expose yourself to some level of risk of being emotionally hurt in a relationship. Keep in mind the price you pay won’t be as great as the reward of a healthy relationship. I find mostly in high school people look for the best looking Guy/Girls I’m telling you look at everyone equally and base your decision on their acts not there popularity level. In saying that I’m not in anyways suggesting you’re a shallow person, although I felt it was necessary to make note of it.
   
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Re: Guys - September 19th 2010, 01:17 PM

Hi Jenna. I'm sorry about whatever happened to you too. I 110% agree with Meg. Best of luck working through this.
   
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Re: Guys - September 20th 2010, 05:36 AM

Hey Jenna! first thing first, you are an amazing beautiful girl and im so happy i know you
maybe when your with a friend just say hi a guy, or a hows it going. you'r super friendly and strong im sure you can do this.
best of luck hunny


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