Reporting it...

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

I have been thinking a lot about pressing charges against my abuser. Now, I know that the liklihood of winning or of it going to court is not big but my therapist and I have talked about it and she said it could be good to report it because then if anyone else comes forward they already have my account etc which would make a stronger case.

Also, there is a part of me that thinks it would help close that chapter in my life. I still have to over come the effects of the abuse on my life but if I were to report it/press charges it would, in my opinion, be my first step to taking my life back and telling my abusers to f^*k off. I really want to do it with EVERY ounce of my being but I get stopped by my fears and my worries.

1) I have lived in denial my whole life. Looking back there were signs that I had been abused; the way I hated touching, trusting, the feeling I had but I never remembered. The denial was so much easier. And, the denial was caused by the fact that I DO NOT think people will believe me.

Pressing charges could lead to me doing some second guessing but here is the thing. I know without a shadow of a doubt that it happened and it was these people. There are still some things that I am unclear on, like how long it took place, when it started, how old I was when it started but I know in my heart it happened.

I have always felt it; that I had been molested I just couldn't remember the incidences because I hid behind my own self destruction. So, I know it is true and I don't necessarily think that people not believing me would effect me too much because the people I needed/wanted to believe me do and that is my family.

2) I worry about it will consume my life. I know that happens and it is all people can do and think about and to be honest I am just barely starting to live my life and I don't want something to take that away. I also know that it could consume my life and send me into a downward spiral of depression and self harm but I go into those any ways.

3) I worry it will go to court and they will try to blame it on my older brother. That is what they do in cases like that, I have talked to my therapist about it. When people repress the memories the lawyers question the validity of the memories or place the blame on someone else. My brother would be the perfect canidate because he was emotionally abusive and a bit physically abusive. I know it wasn't him and I know he wouldn't be able to handle people saying it was him.

I guess I over think this but I don't know. I really want to press charges/report this. It is something I need to do for me but my fear gets in the way. I hate it. So I thought I would post her and see what others have to say?

I mean, it is constantly on my mind, I dream about it, I am completely preoccupied with reporting it and that can't be healthy. If I were to do it I could get it over with and have that weight off my shoulder.

[ilysoccer]

I think you should take who ever it was that molested you to court. He doesn't deserve to get off free, justice needs to be served. And even if he isn't convicted, you still put him through it and challenged him, it shows that you are strong and that he does not own you or control you. You may also gain closure from it and it may help you close that dark chapter of your life. He does not deserve to be let off free and go through life thinking he got off.

[luvflamingos]

I send you Strength, Peace and Love Jenna. Strength to be able to make a decision. Peace in knowing your decision is the right one for you. And Love..well, because you have helped me Jenna and I love you!