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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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shelley4968 Offline
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Exclamation Please read and give me feedback! - September 21st 2010, 09:28 PM

The letter below is from my mother to her niece. In 1970 my aunt was a couple months away from her 15th birthday and my father had just turned 25. I was 3 yrs old and I was told by my mother of this when I was in my early 20's. Also my Aunt never until she surgery about 7 years ago ever had any illness mental or otherwise. She was a high functioning happy kind person and since the addiction she has stolen, lied and poisioned my sister. After that my mother kick her out of her home and then a week later she has a fight with her 27 year old daughter and she threatened suicide and when she went to the hospital she cried that she was raped and forced. Below is where we are at now

You answered Shelley"s letter without a key ingredient, you don't know both sides of the story. Nor have you ever asked, so I'll tell you.

Your mother was raped by uncle Gene in the legal sense. You can rationalize it any way you want to but the truth is this so called rape lasted almost two years. Your mother came to my house every weekend to be in the same house with her rapist. She even stayed for weeks at a time in the summer. She never made an excuse about being sick or had other plans so she couldn't come over. And when she could drive she drove herself instead of grandma bringing her over.
I also lived in that house and never, ever once was she not happy, giddy, having a good time with her friends. No reluctance in being there or fear. Everything Shelley said about the dancing is true . I had forgotten about this until Margaret Ann was here and we were watching old movies. I had no clue. I never found any of thus out until years later. Gene let it slip in a conversation. I went to Grandmas and confronted your mother. NOT ONE time did she ever say she was forced or threatened. She told me in the upstairs back bedroom that she was so sorry ,she didn"t know why she did it and would I please forgive her and not tell mom or dad. She cried and hugged me. I dealt with Gene in my own way. They had obviously both moved on and truthfully or not were sorry . She was my sister and I forgave her. At that point in time I didn't know what else to do and the rape thing never crossed my mind because frankly neither one of them mentioned any kind of problem with their activity. I never asked were or when, how often,nor any intimate questions. And they always acted close to each other as though mistakes were made and they were moving on. From there on life went on as you and I know it. Gene and Debbie always remained close. No one can dispute that.
Now about the remark from your Dad, it was not a running joke, But It was said in jest at a party. The statement was such " Well, after all Linda you know we owe them one" Everyone laughed. End of story.
Now years later and I state this as a fact. Your mother had stomach surgery. and the Dr. put her on liquid pain medicine. A supply that only lasted her three days . Dr. said it should have lasted longer and your mother told Him "you told me to drink it when my stomach hurt and that's what I did. He gave her more and continued to give her pain meds. That is when and how she became addicted to pain meds. She continued that way for years. Getting pills anyway she could. If you don"t believe me ask her and your dad.
When she could no longer afford pills she switched to liquor. And then back and forth when she could get what she wanted. Her fault not really, Dr.s fault Yes. Only thing she could have done was try harder to quit. Do you see Gene in this scenario. I don"t.
Now over the years Gene lived with your Mom and Dad. Your Dad and Gene were good friends, hunting, fishing and spending time as couples. NOW your mom says that she told your father that Gene raped her and that if she HAD told him that she had an affair with him he wouldn"t have married her. That makes no sense to me. He would marry her and be friends with her rapist but wouldn't marry her if she had an affair.
Now the conversation between her and Gene about how as He put it their affair effected her life took place way before he or I knew he had cancer. And we had talked about it on occasion over the years, never a word about force.
Now forty years later after she came into my house stole medicine, then mixed her depression pills with my daughters adderall and let her take those pills with no remorse for what might have happened. and I had to make her leave. And she had a huge fight with Kristen and threatened to kill herself. She became a rape victim.
Now she tells this Dr. and he tells her to confront Gene She says she can't because he's dying of cancer. Should be end of story. Now, your dad tells Donna he wishes he would so he knew what to tell you kids. We were not going to do that. I was just done with all of it.
Now your mom is throwing all these things at me like why didn't i protect her and all I could say is you never told me. I never knew about it. And that she never willingly participated. Well, Lauren she was the happiest unwilling participant I have ever seen.
So I had to ask Gene for some details I didn't need to hear. And believe it or not at that point he had no reason to lie. That's where I felt that I was thrown under the bus, It was not easy to take. And everything he told me, he told your mom and dad at the trailer.She either didn't remember it that way or didn't want to talk about it. Gene said I take the blame for what happened all of it. I was wrong you were to young. But Debbie why are you lying about the rest of it. I'm sure you heard her side of that. We did what Your Dad asked and then we never heard a word from him.
You know your mother! do you mean to tell me that all of this is one persons complete fault. And waiting until she was in trouble and in the hospital to make this claim was not an easier way to avoid dealing with the real issue of her substance abuse.
And that no matter how painful the trauma was to you, that if you were indeed raped repeatedly for 2 years, would you would at any time have let your children live with your rapist for even a week , even though you thought you were dealing with it. Put yourself in your mothers place and see if for one minute your child would have been allowed there and you'll have all the info you need.
I have always been a constant in my sisters life, even though I shielded her rapist, the one she always turned to in time of need, who said she wished she could be like . And the pain she has caused me is at times unbearable. I know the truth As I know it. She has told no different. I am now starting a new life and will bear no burdens other then my own. I'm finding happiness and joy. Peace is all I need. Love Aunt Linda



   
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heart_of_yang Offline
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Re: Please read and give me feedback! - September 26th 2010, 03:39 AM

honestly i think that your aunt did want the attention when she little was it wrong still yes did she want it in that way probally not but what probbaly happened is when those drugs took over she finnaly released all her pent up feelings.


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