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annamariahere Offline
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Unhappy I thought I was over it- how do I re-get over it - October 7th 2010, 10:02 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't think anyone can truly know me. I feel guilty for all the bad things I've done, although I know the abuse I received growing up is not my fault. I wanted to commit suicide, but now I feel like I'm talking about someone else. A past someone, even though it was only four months ago. So, I've made up so many stories to cover up the true events my friend thinks I'm a lying douchebag and with fair enough reason. Now, even though I thought i was over it, I keep thinkning about it, and I get so scared that in one of these withdrawn moods I'll end up telling her more or telling someone I don't want to find out- I'm on the verge of doing this. She is the best friend I have ever had and ever will have, and I just betrayed her trust, so I can't talk about MY problems because i've been a bitch to her. I can't stop remembering it and I thought it was gone. Now I feel horribly guilty and want to make her understand, but I don't know how, before I blurt out utter rubbish to the people around me.

Last edited by Emily.; October 20th 2010 at 03:40 AM. Reason: prefix guidelines
   
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Nani Offline
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Re: I thought I was over it- how do I re-get over it - October 8th 2010, 12:19 AM

I know what you mean about making up many stories to cover up the true events. I did it and I still struggle with letting those around me know the 'truth', so I make up similar stories so it hurts less to talk about it.

I think you should should go ahead and tell your best friend how you feel. Let her know why it was that you were saying those stories and how hard it is for you to tell the truth. I'm sure she's suffering as much as you are about not having that relationship with you anymore. She probably wants you to be her best friend again, very much like yourself. Talk to her, definitely talk to her and let her know how you feel. If she's hurting and you're hurting, it's because you BOTH care. If you wouldn't care, then it wouldn't be hurting this bad, right?

   
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Emily. Offline
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Re: I thought I was over it- how do I re-get over it - October 22nd 2010, 02:33 AM

Hey there, Anna,

I definitely agree with what Nani had to say. You should talk with your friend. If you aren't sure you can talk to her, you could always write her a letter? Just explain what's been going on. If she really cares about you she'll understand.

I also want to add that I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a counselor or therapist about what's going on. I know it can be a scary thing, but they can really help you to work through what's happened and find ways to heal and cope. There's no time limit on how long it's going to effect you and unfortunately it can pop back up at really inconvenient times. But things can and will get better, Anna. Give it time and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

I hope you're doing okay right now and you can always PM me if you want to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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