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Lost_Confused Offline
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Flashbacks... - October 10th 2010, 03:44 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

The lady we're living with has an abusive ex-husband, and i've never really seen his angry side because he was always smiling and laughing creepily whatnot.
But her and her son and my mom said that they couldn't help him move because they didn't want to help him move to his girlfriend just so he could live with her, they didn't like it. (We're religious, so he's been told he shouldn't remarry because of his past by the minister. And we can't live with people we're dating anyways because of it. No problem with me there..)
The truck and everything was packed anyways (so he said..), so he just needed to get everything over there.
So anyways, he got really pissed off, came over here, started yelling and blaming his ex-wife and saying that the truck wasn't loaded after all, and his stuff still needed to be packed, and he needed help, but everyone breaks promises..
That he was moving there not to see his girlfriend, that they broke up and she's living with her boyfriend, and that he was just moving there because it'd be an equal distance to all his kids and he could get away from her and this crap. Blaming her for everything, and making it sound like she turned everyone against him.

Well, i just got flashbacks from when i was younger when i was abused mentally, physically, and emotionally by my older sister, who always blamed me for everything and always told me that nothing i did was good enough. Just because she felt like it. (I was about 4-5 then. Jeez, of course i didn't know much.)
That i was stupid, i never got anything right, i was ugly, all that shit while punching and kicking me until i was black and blue. I remember trying to tell someone, and trying to get help from my mom, and no one listening.
She stopped the abuse when i got big enough to stand up for myself, which was when i was about 10 or 11, and somehow i was talking to her about me having bruises all over because of her, and SHE DIDN'T FUCKING REMEMBER IT.
Hell, because of her i don't like people touching me. At all.
I'm just really emotional right now, and I wanted to vent.......

If you didn't read all that, i don't blame you. That's a shitload of stuff. But thanks anyways..

Last edited by Lost_Confused; October 10th 2010 at 03:50 AM.
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EmisaurusRex Offline
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Re: Flashbacks... - October 10th 2010, 05:31 AM

I'm really sorry that all of that happened to you. That's really tough. I'm glad that you actually stood up for yourself once you were older though!
Have you ever tried talking to anyone about the abuse recently? It sounds like it's had a lot of negative impact on you, which is completely understandable. Is there someone you could talk to about it? Maybe a teacher you like or the guidance counselor at school or the lady you live with?
Another thing you could try is journaling. Getting all that happened and how it makes you feel down on paper might give you some relief.
I hope that things look up for you. Let me know if you ever need to talk or anything!

Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.
PM me anytime <3
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Lost_Confused Offline
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Re: Flashbacks... - October 10th 2010, 04:48 PM

I used to journal quite a bit when i was seeing a therapist but not lately.
I'm just not really comfortable with opening up to someone, especially when i don't know them very well.
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