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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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kwoodbecks Offline
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Flash backs/nightmares and depression - October 20th 2010, 01:17 AM

I was raped my older brothers (both of them) from the time i was 9 till I was 14, I didnt tell my mom till I was 15 and she called me a liar and said if it happened then it was my fault, I probably wanted it and deserved it...

I didnt press charges. Havnt gone to see a councelor... nor do I intend (stupid I know but maybe once I'm 18 I'm will but right now I'm 17 and seeing a shrink would involve my mom)

I have talked about it with people, and it has helped but... I keep having really bad flashbacks and night mare. I cant sleep at night because i'm afraid to sleep at night...

I want to sleep, and I want to stop having night mares and flash backs.. help. someone
   
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Re: Flash backs/nightmares and depression - October 20th 2010, 12:17 PM

Welcome to TH! I'm sure you'll find several people on here who have been sexually abused. Sadly, this kind of experience is too common on this site. Your mom was wrong for calling you a liar and that it's your fault. I'm sure as people respond you'll see "It's not your fault" more and more and it's so true. If you need someone who will listen then PM me if you want or if you find someone else on here that's cool. There are a lot of people on here who want to help. You'll never completely get over it so the flashbacks will always be there. I hope you find this site helpful because there are plenty of people to talk to!


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Re: Flash backs/nightmares and depression - October 20th 2010, 10:08 PM

Hey there -

I'm so sorry you went through that. It takes an enormous amount of strength and courage to even consider telling someone about being raped or assaulted - and to get that kind of reaction when you finally do tell someone can be so discouraging and frustrating. Hearing someone (like a mother) who's supposed to love and care about you unconditionally, and stand up for you, tell you that something so horrible was your fault.. it's an awful reaction, and I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to hear that.

What I want you to remember is that NOT everyone is going to react the way your mom did. Keep in mind that as hard as it is for you to tell someone you were raped, it's equally as difficult for that person to hear you were hurt so badly. Learning that someone you care about has been through such a terrible thing is hard! And it's even harder sometimes to know how to react, or how to help, especially without experience. I'm not excusing what she said to you, and I definitely do not agree with the way she reacted when you opened up to her - I just want to make sure you know what may have been going through her head. It's a lot for anyone to take in.. especially a parent. What I'm trying to get at is that there's a reasoning behind every reaction.

That being said.. again, not everyone is going to react the way your mom did. There are people who WILL believe you, and support you and help you cope and heal. People like a teacher, school guidance counselor / student-resource officer, a coach, religious leader.. another family member or relative, a friend, a friend's parents - there are SO many people around you who you could speak to about this. It's just a matter of deciding who you're comfortable around, and who you trust enough to help you.

Talking is a huge step. But, remember that you've done it once before, which means you can do it again. Will it be easy? No. Will it be scary? Yup. Will it be worth it? Absolutely. You deserve help JUST as much as anyone else, and you deserve to have someone who will listen to your story and help you through this. Don't give up until you find that someone.

You are so, so strong and brave for making it this far. Hang in there and keep pushing - remember that you won't ever get anywhere by giving up. My PM box is always open if you need anything, take care of yourself.



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Re: Flash backs/nightmares and depression - October 21st 2010, 12:00 PM

Kwoodbecks,

Hey girl. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I do agree about your decision about seeing a shrink. Right now I think that just might cause more drama instead of helping. When I'm feeling especially gloomy I talk to one of the shrinks at school and just vent for a while. I find that really helpful. Also, talk to friends they're a big help when you're going through rough times. Once you move out or something then seek professional help. Best of luck chickie
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