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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
OneMessedUpLife Offline
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Unhappy My Step Father - October 27th 2010, 07:51 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When I was 4 years old my father died. My Mother remarried when I was 10. My stepfathers name is Chris. He was a pretty nice guy at first, I never had anything against him. Then one time we were driving in the car. I was in the back with him while my Mom and Aunt were up front. I fell asleep and woke up to the feeling of him touching me. After that it continued to happen. He only did it when I was asleep at first but he got more confident and started doing it when I was awake.

My Mom is an alcoholic and would drink herself to sleep every night, Thats how he gets away with it.

Two weeks before my 13th birthday Chris got fired from his job. That was the worst night of my life. It was the first time he raped me. I'm 16 now and it still happens often.

The worst part is that once my body got adjusted to it sometimes I would feel pleasure...I've had orgasms before. It makes me feel disgusting. I hate it, I hate every minute of it. How can my body enjoy it?? I hate myself.

I can't tell my Mom. She's very emotionally unstable. When I was 14 I was severely depressed (for obvious reasons) And decided to reach out for help. I thought if I could see a councler I might have the guts to tell them! But she freaked out. She told me I was a psycho and that she would kick me out. I don't know what she would do if I told her about this.

I'm really feeling desperate...I feel like suicide is the only way out right now!
   
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Re: My Step Father - October 28th 2010, 12:40 AM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I hope you know none of it is your fault and that there is help out there. Please don't hurt yourself. Suicide is definitely not the way out - you deserve so much better than that.

If you can't talk to your mom about what's going on, I think you need to talk to someone else. Tell a teacher, a school counselor, go to the police, call social services, just talk to an adult you trust. You should not have to go through this.

As for how your body responded, it's perfectly okay and normal. Our bodies are supposed to orgasm during sex and you can't blame your body for responding the way it's supposed to. Just because it can feel physically good does not mean you enjoyed it or were okay with what was happening.

I hope you're doing okay right now and please reach out and tell someone what's going on. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: My Step Father - October 28th 2010, 08:59 AM

Please, for your own safety, go to the police.
   
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Re: My Step Father - November 2nd 2010, 10:20 PM

I know this is very hard for you but try to find someone you can tell. No one deserves to have this kind of life no matter the age. If you are uncomfortable talking to someone face to face about this then find someone on here to talk to and hopefully if you open up it might be easier enough to talk to someone face to face. Like Rtn said, tell the police.


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Re: My Step Father - November 8th 2010, 12:54 AM

you NEED to get help. go to the police, or if you feel like you cant go directly to them, tell a school conselor, or have a friend call for you. Once you tell them, they will work everything out for you, you wont have to worry about ANYTHING. you need help, and you deserve it, nothing that happened to you is your fault, but right now only you can stop. is PLEASE get help!
   
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Re: My Step Father - November 8th 2010, 01:30 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I mean, it wasn't my step father, but it was a good friend of mine. His brother turned him in for things about 4 months ago, so he is in jail somewhere, or so I'm told. I'm afraid to even ask my mom to take me to counsling, and I guess I just have to wait it out. I wish I could give you some advice, or tell you that it will get better, but I can't do anything. I'd say go to the police, but if I was in your situation, I would be terrified to do anything like that. Hell, I'm afraid to fnd help...
   
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