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**jazz** Offline
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Urgent help needed please - October 29th 2010, 03:53 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi everyone,

I'm really scared and I don't know what to do, any advice would be very much appreciated. It's hard to talk about this...I've never told anyone, but now I really need some advice because things might get even worse. When I was 17, i started going out with this guy. I thought he was great - he was three years older than me, good looking and interested in me. Things were going really well for about 6 months when something horrible happened. We had arranged to go for a meal and then to meet up with some other friends of ours. Well, we had the meal and everything was fine. But the 'friends' we were supposed to meet turned out to be thee other men I'd never even met before. They kept glancing at me, looking me up and down, and they were starting to scare me. I told my boyfriend I wanted to go home (he was driving), but he said he wanted to go back to his friend's flat on the other side of town. I felt like I had no choice because I didn't have enough money for a taxi, so we went to his friend's flat. I tried to get the front seat of the car but one of his friends pushed me out of the way; I ended up in the back between the other two. They started touching me, and one of them met my boyfriend's eye in the rearview mirror and they both laughed. i knew then what was going to happen. When we got out of the car, I told my boyfriend that I really didn't want to stay and asked for some money for a taxi, but he said no. then he and his friends grabbed me and forced me into the flat - I tried to scream but my boyfriend put his hand over my mouth. they threw me on the sofa, tore my clothes off and raped me. all of them, at the same time. my boyfriend told me 'if you really love me, you won't make a fuss' It was past 2am when they finally let me go, and I had to walk home. It was the worst experience of my life and I've tried so hard to deal with it. But I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I think some of my friends and my mum knew something was wrong, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell them what happened.
I tried hard to just forget what had happened and to move on with my life. I told my boyfriend that I never wanted to see him again, and did my best to cope with the nightmares. I worked hard at school, focusing on my work to blot out what had happened that night. I'm in university now, and I've enjoyed it - until now. Because I saw my ex on campus today. he came up to me in front of my friends and acted as if nothing had ever happened, as if he'd never hurt me the way he did. It turns out he's doing a post graduate degree here and will be living near me. I'm so scared that he'll do something, and I hate the thought that he knows where I live. I have no idea what to do; i cant tell my friends because he's already won them over - like he did to me all those years ago. Please, please help me

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Re: Urgent help needed please - October 29th 2010, 07:54 AM

Alright Jazz, what you need to do is report this to you're local police station. File a report at the precinct office, or if you don't know where/how just call 911 and report the crime. You will need to testify in court most likely but you can get these guys locked up (or their heads lopped off) for good. They don't deserve to be roaming the streets praying on innocent girls, like yourself. Help make sure this never happens again and get these men locked away!

Certain crimes have an expiration date as to when they are able to be charged with but I am almost 100% sure rape and murder never expire, so report this ASAP!

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Re: Urgent help needed please - October 29th 2010, 03:14 PM

How many years ago did this happen? If under five you shoukd ve fine in being able to report your rape. If you can't get a restraintg order. Try going to counsleing I know when u where abused u live in fear I do still stay strong whre here tor u

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Re: Urgent help needed please - October 29th 2010, 03:58 PM

dear Clare,
no need to worry about it....i know that this must be a really hard time for you, but i would suggest that first you should talk to your parents first especially your mom. she will give you a kind and patient hearing, and it will ease up the tension in your mind to a great extent. then on the university campus,if you have some real close friends, whom you trust, you should open up to them, and tell them what had happened.
and most of all...try to stay away from your ex as much as possible...he's probably here to exploit you once again...just be strong in front of him. show him that you've moved on and you don't care about him even anymore...and just don't talk to him.
show that now you are a strong woman inside and not that timid little girl that you were.
and most importantly pray to God. He will give you that inner strength that you need.

praying for you.
good luck.
Radhika xx
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Re: Urgent help needed please - October 29th 2010, 06:34 PM

Hey Clare,

It's totally understandable that you didn't feel comfortable telling people what happened.. talking about such a scary thing is definitely NOT easy and no one can blame you for wanting to keep quiet. Opening up and telling someone about such a traumatic experience, something that hurt and affected you so much, is one of the hardest things to do. That being said, I'm extremely proud of you for being able to talk about it here, and for posting this thread.. again, it's not easy, and you've taken a huge step, right here, just by telling your story.

But if your ex is living so close to you, and if you're afraid he's going to hurt you again, then I can't stress this enough Clare - it's time to tell someone what happened. Go to campus security, go to the police.. talk to someone. There are ways they can keep you safe from him, ways so you can continue going to your university without being afraid. Because you absolutely do not deserve to have to live in fear of him.

Do you think it would be easier if you printed out what you wrote here, and brought it to someone? Talking about what happened is really hard, but having something written down to show someone may be a little bit easier than talking out loud. At some point you are going to have to talk about it verbally, but at least in the beginning, it might be easier for you to write it out.

Seriously Clare, you deserve to feel safe wherever you are, and you also deserve help and support in healing from this. Talk to someone, okay? Reach out for help. You've done it once, here - and you can do it again. I'm always around if you want to talk about anything. Take good care of yourself and good luck, I believe in you.

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