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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
abbya Offline
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Saying Goodbye after abuse - October 31st 2010, 04:12 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So this summer I had my first flashback. Now I know everything that has happened when I was a kid. And now since I know that, all I want to do is kill myself. I can't take the fact that he did that and ended the abuse around my birthday. So oh boy guess what my 9th birthday present is, yup no more abuse. Such a great birthday! But now I just feel like I am filth, and I have been planning on how to kill myself and when now. And all I wish I could do is leave but there are too many people who care about me and wouldn't let me do such a thing. I am just so fed up with myself. I can't get a period ever again or even have children. When my father was abusing me he destroyed my uterus and with that my ovaries had to come out. I want to have my own child and I can't. I am unlike my friends and don't get a period. And no matter how great that is, I wish I did since I just want to be normal and have a history of abuse. (banging head on wall). So in my rant, all I want to know is there an easy way to say goodbye to everybody and then die. Anybody?


Last edited by abbya; October 31st 2010 at 09:50 PM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Saying Goodbye after abuse - October 31st 2010, 06:26 PM

Hunn I know its hard to get over abuse I was abused for eight years and flashbacks are something that I know ftar to well. Is there anything I can do to help stay strong

Angela and Will 4ever
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Re: Saying Goodbye after abuse - October 31st 2010, 09:50 PM

I don't believe anyone on this forum will tell you how to say goodbye. What we can do is support you. I grew up with a history of abuse, so I know where you are coming from. There are options to having children or what not without getting pregnant. You could adopt or have foster care children.

Saying 'goodbye' to your friends and family will only make them feel hurt and wonder if there was anything that could help you.

If you want, you could possibly seek professional help and talk about your experiences and they could help you get through it, or there is people here that you can speak with. I am one of them.

If you want to ever talk about anything, I'm here as often as I can be. PM me if you would like.
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Re: Saying Goodbye after abuse - October 31st 2010, 10:29 PM

Hey Abby,

I'm really sorry to hear about everything you've been through and I'm really sorry to hear about the way you're feeling right now, I can't even begin to imagine just how much pain you're going through after what has happened to you. I'm not all that good for giving advice when it comes to something like this because I'm not all that educated on peoples emotions when it comes to abuse but I figured I'd throw my thoughts out there for what they're worth.

I don't think that you should say goodbye to this life for something that isn't your fault and I don't think that you should punish yourself by ending your life over something that was totally out of your hands because even though you've been through so much in your life already and it's been tough, you still deserve to be just as happy as everyone else. I know it must be hard right now and you probably feel like things aren't going to get any better but they can and with the right help and support systems in place for you then they will. I'm sure you're surrounded by family and friends who absolutely adore you and would do anything for you, they want to help you and to see you happy I'm sure.

As for children, the beauty of living in 2010 is that apart from having children naturally there are so many other different ways that people who for whatever reason can't conceive can still have a family and I'm sure in the future there will become many more available options.

If you ever want somebody to talk to then feel free to PM me at anytime as I'm always more than happy to listen and talk about absolutely everything and anything.

This doesn't have to be the end but only a better and more beautiful beginning.

Take care and stay strong.

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Re: Saying Goodbye after abuse - November 1st 2010, 01:49 AM

Hi Abby,

Like Jennifer said, no one here is going to say it's okay to give up on your life, and no one is going to say it's okay to say goodbye to the people you love. And to answer your question.. no, there really isn't any easy way to say goodbye. If you leave a note or a letter, your loved ones will analyze it over and over, looking for some hidden meaning to your words, thinking about all the things you said and didn't say in it. If you don't leave a note, they'll be hurt or upset that you didn't say goodbye. If you call or hang out with them and don't mention anything, they'll always wonder if they had a chance to stop you. Realistically, no matter what you do, you will be causing a lot of pain and grief to the people you love - there's no perfect way to say goodbye.

Your father did a horrible, horrible thing. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you right now, Abby. It's definitely not fair that he caused you so much pain, and that he hurt you so badly. But you can't give up on your life because of him - you can't let him decide your future for you. Your life is what YOU make of it, and your future is what YOU want it to be. Don't let him change that. Don't let anyone ever stand in the way of your hopes and dreams, no matter what happens.

You're dealing with a lot right now - which is perfectly okay and totally understandable. It's okay to feel sadness, and anger, and grief, and frustration, and all those emotions you're feeling. However you feel, it's okay. But again, you can't let these feelings stop you from living the life you want to live. Talk to a counselor to help ease the healing process - talk to friends and family about your thoughts and feelings. Talk to anyone who'll listen. I guarantee you will always find at least one person willing to listen to anything you have to say or need to talk about, whether that person is in your real life or online (like someone on TeenHelp).

You said it yourself - there are a lot of people who care about you, people who would be devastated if you left. Even people you don't know very well will be affected if you end your life. A girl in my grade killed herself over the summer, and nearly every person in my school was affected by her death - even the kids who barely knew her. You've made a huge impact on a lot of people's lives, and you mean a great deal to many people. When you need a reason to keep going, think of all the people you'll be leaving behind. Think of what it will do to them to lose someone like you.

When you're struggling - again, reach out to them. Tell them how you're feeling. Be honest, and seek help. Find someone who'll comfort you, and stay with you while you're struggling or suicidal, someone who will make sure you stay safe. Do whatever you have to do to make sure you're safe, okay?

You've dealt with a lot, and you've been hurt a great deal. You certainly do not deserve to have gone through all of this - no one ever deserves to be abused. But you can heal from this, and you can have the future you want. It's possible. Anything is possible if you try.

I'm always around if you want to talk about anything, hang in there and take good care of yourself. And remember.. normal doesn't exist. Normal's just a setting on the washing machine.

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Re: Saying Goodbye after abuse - November 6th 2010, 11:56 PM

Thanks guys but I don't think I can hold in there. Recently I have formulated a plan and am not saying anything to anybody. I do see a therapist, and she doesn't even know how I have been feeling. I can't help it anymore but even at school I am miserable. I wish there was a way to make things better but I can't find it. I am really just not happy. I go to a school where people take rape as a joke. And that is frustrating to me especially some of the other girls who go to my school. I can't seem to see anything beyond this. Everyday I get depressed, and when I am at home, I feel alone. Everyday I sleep more and more trying to avoid the day. I have lost it, I just want to say bye but I am too weak to say it. I wish I could die naturally tomorrow but there is no way that is going to happen cause of how healthy I am. Please anything, is there a way I can give my life to somebody else.

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