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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
liketheangel Offline
Average Joe
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Name: Amy
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 107
Join Date: January 12th 2009

i cant find myself - November 17th 2010, 06:08 PM

i used to have so many friends and i never upset or worried my family
but since ive been raped i cant find myself.. i cant even converse with epople now.
i hate crowds i cant be around people. in social situations i cant handle it.. so i sjtug et drunk or take something until i pass out. or work up enough courage to kill myself.

nobody wants me. and i dont blame them. i am nothing anymore! i dont know how toget myself back the people i live with hate me.. i can see it. but they feel sorry for me so they let me stay. my family loves me there worried but they wouldnt want me aroudn either.
and i have no friends left.. but one.. who i cant see.

how do i find myself again. how could he take so much away

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
let the dream begin let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
taste the sky
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Name: Emily
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: middle of nowhere

Posts: 689
Join Date: February 3rd 2009

Re: i cant find myself - November 20th 2010, 04:41 AM

Hey there, Amy.

First off, you are not now nor will you ever be nothing. I'm sure you are quite the amazing person and you're obviously very brave. You can get through this, okay?

I think an important part of healing is talking. Rape is incredibly hard to cope with and you do not and should not have to go through it alone. I really think it would benefit you to talk with a therapist. I know that can seem scary, but you deserve the support so much. Therapy can help you find ways to work through the hurt and the memories. It's important to find healthy ways to cope and continue with life. The substances you are using now can really end up hurting you and turning into addictions. I know it feels like the only thing that helps right now, but you deserve so much better than that. They're only hurting you more. I know they may be hard to give up all at once, and you can definitely work through it slowly, but therapy can help you find better ways to deal with the hurt you're going through. Because you don't deserve any more hurt, Amy.

Things really can get better. And while you may never be the exact same person you were before the assault, you can still be a whole and happy person, Amy. There is always hope, so no giving up, okay? Time is one of the best healers out there.

And I'm sure people want you, hun. I'm absolutely not making excuses for them, but sometimes it's hard to know how to be there for someone - especially when you've never experienced what they're struggling with. Maybe try and talk to your friends and family? Ask them to simply be there for you and let them in on how you're feeling. They can't help if they don't know.

I hope you're doing okay right now. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help.
<3 Emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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**Theresa** Offline
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Posts: 246
Join Date: July 11th 2009

Re: i cant find myself - November 21st 2010, 09:30 PM

i can understand why you may not want to be around large crows of people since this happen that is the way i am and it is understandable but, also slowy you will be able to talk to people you dont know and it takes time to heal and the thing that has helped me is by talking to someone that i cant trust and also that i know that i am stronger now, so that is something you may want to think about

I am here if you ever want to talk, free to pm anytime

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ShaShannon Offline
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Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: TN

Posts: 38
Join Date: July 10th 2009

Re: i cant find myself - November 21st 2010, 10:26 PM

Hey. I'm feeling the same way. Its hard to get back into the swing of things. You need to lighten up on yourself. Some people just don't know how to help. Its normal to have fear of crowds. Counseling will definitely help. Don't give up stay strong. If you need someone to talk to PM me anytime.
  Send a message via AIM to ShaShannon  
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