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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Angry I'm consitering prosecuting - January 14th 2011, 08:34 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was spending the night at a male friends house. We had been doing this since preschool. He began touching my boobs and I would say no, do not do that. He would stop. Then as time went by I'd have to physical restrain him to get him to stop, or threaten to tell. Then one night as I as sleeping he decided to stick his fingers in me. I did not wake up. He however told a good friend of mine who is rather perverted, so I'm not sure if that was to confess or to just brag about it.She told me and I got very mad at him and cut him from my life. He, of course, said he was sorry.

Its been a year now and I've finally begun telling people about it. I've talked to the boys father, he said he'd say something to him and get him some therapy. The father, after saying he'd get back to me about what happened has stopped returning calls. I want this guy in therapy. He is not sorry for what he did and if his parents can be talked out of it by this unsorry, self victomized, manipulative kid, then maybe I'll let the court decide? Advice, please.


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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 14th 2011, 09:37 PM

I'm not going to take a legal stance to this - I think this is about what you feel you want to do. What he did wasn't right and, regardless of whether or not he is sorry, you could certainly prosecute if you wanted to. But it's your choice. Nobody can force you to talk about it if you're not ready. Of course, I'd encourage you to take action that would prevent him from abusing others. But it's still your decision, and nobody else can make it for you.

How would you feel about telling the court? I think you did the right thing to cut him from your life. Even though you were friends for a long time, it sounds like he crossed the line more than once and you'd be right to take action against that. I would advise you to prosecute if that's what your comfortable with. Hope it turns out OK, and feel free to PM me if you need to talk.




   
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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 15th 2011, 12:36 AM

I feel guilty for not prosecuting. Because what if he does it again? But there is also the chance that he wont do it again and I muck up some of the most important years of his life.


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"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 15th 2011, 05:35 AM

You should tell your parents about this. And make it clear to his dad that if he doesn't do anything then you will. There's a chance a that he won't do it again but you cannot be sure about this. If he is fine now then he will get of the therapy very quick and there won't be any loss to his important years of life.
   
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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 15th 2011, 08:49 PM

I think u should go to a court house and talk to a douty counsel thats what we call them here in canada they can give u advice on what you should do they helped me get a restraining order and custody for 2 weeks untill i knew what i wanted to do for custody wise of my children but i do think u should just get some advise on what the options u can do
   
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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 16th 2011, 12:23 AM

i say go ahead with it because he needs to know he did wrong and therpy isnt enough that isnt punishing him; to me he needs to know how much pain he has caused you. but, you need to be sure that you are really and they are going to be asking alot of questions and also that you are going to be having to repeat it over and over again. to me i should have shown my abuser how much he has hurt me but, i could have never done it but, i believe you can go though and show him how much you are really hurting


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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 18th 2011, 05:05 AM

Hey,

This boy was extremely wrong in what he did to you. Sexual assault is a crime and you should not feel bad about reporting. If he doesn't ever do it to you again, he could do it to someone else. He does deserve to be turned in for this kind of behavior seeing as it is highly inappropriate. I really recommend turning him in.
The judge can also recommend therapy for this boy as well.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
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Re: I'm consitering prosecuting - January 18th 2011, 07:12 AM

Is there a statute of limitations on this? I can't remember. Anyway, if there is and you want to report it to the police, then you have to do it fast. On a side note, you could sent his father an "Intent to Sue" Letter, stating that you will sue him in civil court if he does not undergo "so-and-so" months of therapy.


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