Triggering: Nightares :(

[B.J.]

I have nightmares of my dad abusing me and of him hanging my older brother. I can't get them out of my head. I feel like I'm going crazy. My older brothers are either dead, run away or in prison because they abused me like my dad. I feel like something that gets thrown around, I feel so worthless and defensless because of this. I can't stand male company, I can't even go near someone who looks like my brother. I am loner at school get picked on alot coz I'm a foster kid. No one knows of my past so I can't talk to anyone about it, I don't like counsellors and stuff like that, my foster parents just leave me to it. I hate what they have done to me, I hate that my dad has ripped my brothers from me. I hate everything what has happened I feel so alone, so abandoned. I just want everything to leave me alone and for me to have a normal life.

[Gidig]

Hey-

I'm truly sorry all of this has happened to you. That's a lot to deal with, and no one deserves to go through that.

What don't you like about counselors and that kind of help? Sometimes, they can actually be extremely beneficial. You just have to find the right people. It may be worth giving counselors another try. Even explaining your situation to a teacher or school counselor may help you by even just encouraging you to talk about what's gone on in your life.

How you're feeling is completely normal for what you've gone through, I hope you understand that. It sucks, but there's nothing wrong with you, and you're not alone. =) Us all at TeenHelp are always here for you. It's different than face to face help, but we can still give some pretty good advice and support. So come around anytime you need us.

Best of luck!
Maria.