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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I miss my molester? - June 24th 2011, 04:36 AM

I don't know what's been going on in my head. I was molested by my uncle when I was a kid and I'm so confused because I sort of miss him. I mean, I hate him and what he did to me, but I just wish he was still in my life, like it hadn't happened, and I would have been able to see him and he'd be a part of my life. And I sort of want to send him a letter. Just letting him know that I still think about him all the time, in bad ways and in good ways.

I just don't know what to do, what to think. I mean, I do miss what could have been, and I wish I was able to have a relationship with him, but I know I probably wouldn't be able to. And I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to get over this. I don't want to feel this way. I just wish I could hate him and forget him, but I can't.


Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
-Les Miserables
   
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Re: I miss my molester? - June 24th 2011, 08:44 AM

Hi,
it sounds to me like you've been trying to forgive him and that's not a bad thing. I just, hope you react to it carefully. I mean if he was capable of doing that to you, I wouldn't go near him or go looking for him. It sounds like you just want to communicate with him and let him know how he hurt you and how he's affecting you rite now, which isn't a bad thing. I think it's good that you're growing to be strong and overcome what happened. But, I'd do so cautiously. Of course getting over something like that is hard, but I have faith that you will heal with more time given, and grow stronger. I think it'd be a good idea to write down your emotions in a letter to your uncle without giving it to him. That way you can safely dispose of all your pain without causing any conflict within the family. And i'm sorry my advice isn't very good at all, to be honest i've never tried helping anyone with this kind of problem but this is the best advice i can think of and i hope you find it useful in some way. I wish you luck in forgiving your uncle and overcoming the pain he caused you.


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I just...don't know.
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Re: I miss my molester? - June 24th 2011, 04:33 PM

It seems to me like you miss the aspect of having him in your life, but only as an uncle and not a molester. (Which you pretty much already stated.) I totally understand that you miss what could have been and as Believe said before me, it looks as if you want to forgive him. Which is great that your a forgiving person, but you have to be careful. Just because you might want to forgive him doesn't nessasirly mean you should. I think that it's wonderful for you to forgive him in your head, but I'm not sure if you should tell him that because it might let him have an advatage on you since he knows you forgave him.

Maybe you don't want to forgive him at all you just miss that he could have been an healthy part of your life. But that's a "could have been". There are chances that he changed, but I don't think you should really be a part of his life, whether he did a complete 360 from what he used to be. There will be other important people in your life, and these people will be a lot healthier for you to be with.

Honestly, I think, overall, you probably just want him to be a part of your life minus the molesting that has already occured (which you alos pretty much said already, but I felt like clarifying it) but you should just slowly let him slip from your life. You are better than that. He doesn't deserve have you in his life.

I am sorry if you didn't find me to be much help. And I understand if you totally disregaurd my advice, but please be careful around him. He has proved to be, at least somewhat, dangerous. So just be cautious.

Again, Sorry if I Didn't Really Help,
Scarlett Rose

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Re: I miss my molester? - June 24th 2011, 05:23 PM

I don't know if I even want to forgive him (which I might...I don't know how my brain is working right now), I mean, he caused me a lot of pain, and it might not hurt so much right now, but that doesn't mean he didn't cause me to do terrible things to myself. I think you're right, Scarlett Rose, I think I only miss the "could have been" and I can't stop thinking about it.

You're completely right Believe, I shouldn't try to let him be part of my life. But I still can't stop wondering and wondering how things could have been different. And sometimes my brain just won't stop thinking about. I know I shouldn't send him a letter, cause then he might come looking for me, thinking I want to talk to him, which I probably wouldn't be able to handle. But I like the idea of just writing him a letter, but not sending it.

I just also really want to know why. I know I shouldn't wonder, because I'm never going to get the answer, but I just really need to know what made him do this. And I have so many questions that I want answered, but I know they won't be - and I don't know if I can handle not knowing forever.

My mind's just been in a weird place for a few days and I can't stop thinking about this.


Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
-Les Miserables
   
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Re: I miss my molester? - June 25th 2011, 12:04 PM

What you're describing sounds a bit like Stockholm syndrome (obviously, it isn't - Stockholm syndrome is when someone who is kidnapped grows close and falls in love with their captor) but slightly different. That's the only way I can describe it I think.

I'm not sure if this has already been mentioned, but I would advise you to see a counsellor or pshychologist about the ordeal. I understand that you are trying to forgive him, and that's fantastic, but it sounds like he's a dangerous man, and you should stop thinking of what 'could have been.'

Good luck <3
   
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Re: I miss my molester? - June 27th 2011, 08:16 PM

I can't imagine how that would be. It's good to be forgiving, but he is a very bad man and shouldn't be trusted. You probably want him back in your life because you want a nice perfect uncle or just an uncle in general. But your uncle isn't the uncle you want. Try to stay away from him and stay disconnected from him. It's probably easiest that way.
   
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