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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jenna Peterson Offline
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The bad days - March 13th 2009, 07:09 AM

I was raped and abused by my father for 15 years. I've been free of him for 6. I'm healing, and moving on, and on any average day I'm no longer haunted by those years constantly.

But some significant days bring the memories flooding back. His birthday is March 13th. I can't stop thinking about it. March 27th will be the 6th anniversary of the last time I saw him. Mid July will be the 8th anniversary of the first time I was raped. I honestly don't know what to do with myself on days like that. Anyone else get that way? Advice?


The walls are high, the walls are strong
I've been trapped in this castle that I built for far too long
You have surrounded me, a sea on every side
The cracks are forming and I've got no where to hide
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
soul Offline
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Re: The bad days - March 13th 2009, 08:16 AM

I would do something relaxing with a friend or loved one. Maybe treat yourself to a special treat like a spa day or even a mini vacation just to get away. Take time to reflect on how far you've come and how strong you were to end it. Remember that it is all over now and he can't hurt you anymore. Maybe even write an angry letter to him and burn it up or find another way to destroy it. Be selfish on those days and only do what you want and what is best for you (as long as it is healthy). If it is really bad maybe even talking with a support group on the days leading up to the bad anniversaries. Also if you are having trouble coping you can always call a hotline for some help. Tell them what is going on and what you are feeling. They are very helpful and I am sure they will have some more ideas for you. I am not sure where you are but a great hotline here in the US is: 1.800.656.HOPE . I hope this helped some. Stay strong and feel better.



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Re: The bad days - March 13th 2009, 12:26 PM

I'm sending some caring thoughts your way. I agree that doing something nurturing for yourself is really important.
   
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Re: The bad days - March 13th 2009, 01:22 PM

Hey there,

Anniversaries are naturally and understandably extremely difficult times to deal with. There are many days, and even times of the year which I find difficult, and often the memories seem just too much to deal with. So you're really not alone with how you feel.

It is difficult to know what to do with yourself, and they're things that people deal with differently. Some people may prefer to be alone, and to spend the day relaxing and pampering, whereas others prefer to keep busy. I think there are pro's and cons of both, but it's about finding what feels right for you.

If you work it could be worth taking the day off, especially if your job is a stressful one. One of the last things you need on a day as triggering as that is added stress, and a day off could relieve some of that.

Spending time with people you care about could be something to arrange for that day. Knowing that you have someone there who you can lean on for support might help to make you feel safer within yourself.

I've heard that some people try to make the day into a set of rituals, or even just the one. You know how people have a birthday and celebrate their life...? Well, on an anniversary have a celebration of their survival. And mark it by either having a cake, or writing a letter to their abuser and then burning it.

They're just a few ideas to think about, but I think the most important thing is to be nice to yourself. However you decide to spend the day, ensure that it is nice for you. I also think it's important to make the day about you and your healing, rather than the person who hurt you; so in your case, your dad.

I hope this helped at least a little, and please know that we're here to support you anytime and on those particular dates as well.
   
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Re: The bad days - March 15th 2009, 04:03 AM

Well, I had an eventful day at work yesterday (13th), which was good because it kept me busy. (Took myself and 2 others 45 minutes to clean up a smashed salsa jar mess, because we had to take shelving apart to wash the salsa away!) and spent the evening with my fiancé Chris. Everything was going good until we decided to watch a movie. We picked Children of Men. I'd never seen it before, so I didn't know what to expect. Overall I give it 2 big thumbs up, and I love how real they made it, and the enormous amount of social commentary the movie makes on our reality. Unfortunately, since bad memories and emotions were already in the back of my mind AND I hadn't slept well the night before and was exhausted, the horror of war in that movie got to me, and I ended up having a panic attack Worst one I've had in months, if not years.


The walls are high, the walls are strong
I've been trapped in this castle that I built for far too long
You have surrounded me, a sea on every side
The cracks are forming and I've got no where to hide
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Re: The bad days - March 15th 2009, 08:59 AM

What helps you when you get panicky? How're you feeling today?



   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Jenna Peterson Offline
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Re: The bad days - March 16th 2009, 09:22 PM

Today I'm pretty good (yesterday too). Not a whole lot I've found helps when I have a panic attack, except physical contact (hand holding, that kind of thing) with a person I love and trust, and having that person talk to me.


The walls are high, the walls are strong
I've been trapped in this castle that I built for far too long
You have surrounded me, a sea on every side
The cracks are forming and I've got no where to hide
  Send a message via AIM to Jenna Peterson Send a message via MSN to Jenna Peterson Send a message via Yahoo to Jenna Peterson  
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Re: The bad days - March 23rd 2009, 07:53 PM

Jenna, having anniversaries of the very bad things that have happened in your life is not a good thing IMO. When a bad anniverary is coming up, all you think a/b is those bad things that happened. What you need to do is forget those bad days & replace them w/days of survivorship & good loving & kind thoughts & feelings w/your fiance.
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Re: The bad days - March 23rd 2009, 08:09 PM

I am glad you got through it okay. You have a lot of strength. I wish you and your finance all the happiness in the world. Take care of yourself. Never be afraid to ask for help. We are here for you and we care. PM me anytime you want to talk.

Stay strong <3 Mimi



As long as we can dream, there will be unicorns.
   
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