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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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mikosquak Offline
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i need serious help - March 14th 2009, 08:58 PM

im 17 yrs old and need advice on what choice to make in my life.
when i was 8 yrs old till i was 12 i was sexually abused by my brother who is 3 years older than me. He also did it to my sister who is 3 yrs younger. nobody i personally knows has any idea this has happened. Its breaking me down and i dont no what to do. Someone please give good advice.
   
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Re: i need serious help - March 14th 2009, 09:07 PM

Have you reported this to the police? What your brother did was wrong to you and your sister.. I hate to say your brother needs help and you don't deserve to be harmed by anyone.


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Re: i need serious help - March 14th 2009, 09:12 PM

Hey there.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you and your sister. Nobody deserves this and it's so wrong on so many levels.

Just please, know that it's not your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed or worried about telling someone.

Because you need to tell someone. Perhaps your parents first? I would suggest going straight to the police. There is something seriously wrong with your brother if he could do this to you. You need to stop it before he goes and hurts more people. Plus, the relief of having told someone will help you on the way to healing.

Also, have you seen a counselor about this? You must have so many horrible memories and feelings built up inside you that it would be very good to get them out and talk them through with a professional.

I'm always just a PM away if you need to talk.
   
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Re: i need serious help - March 14th 2009, 09:19 PM

Hi,

I'm so sorry this happened, no one ever deserves to be hurt like this. What your brother did to you and your sister is not okay under any circumstances, he should never have done that and he shouldn't be able to get away with it.

When you bottle something like sexual abuse up for so long, it's going to take even more of a toll on you because you're pushing something to the back of your mind that needs to be addressed and faced head-on. When you keep quiet about something this big and pretend it never happened or lock it away so you don't have to think about it, and when you run from something....well, you can't run forever, can you. Sooner or later whatever you're running from, whatever you're hiding from, is going to catch up to you and find you. It's going to break you down like this because when you bottle something up, sooner or later you'll feel like you're going to burst.

I can't tell you how important it is, to report what he did. No matter how much time has passed since the abuse occurred, you can't let him get off the hook, you can't let him just get away with hurting you and your sister. Abuse is illegal for a reason, and it can have a huge effect on a person. The other thing is that chances are, your sister is just as affected by this as you are, keeping quiet about the abuse from your brother is just going to hurt the both of you in the long run.

Are your parents aware of what your brother did? I think they're the ones you should try going to first, because they'll be able to intervene and confront your brother and to take it from there. But if your parents don't do anything, speak with a teacher you trust or a guidance counselor at your school, because they can help you file a report with the police. Counseling is definitely something to think about because again, bottling it up isn't healthy at all and I do think talking about what happened could really help.

Let me know if you need anything, ok? I'm just a PM away. Take care of yourself.



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Re: i need serious help - March 14th 2009, 11:51 PM

Hello, there.

I am so sorry you and your sister had to go through this. What he did to you was NOT okay, and niether of you deserved to be treated that way.

If you still live with or near your brother, it is important that you and your sister get out now. If you must call the police, so be it. You may feel more comfortable speaking with your parents or a friend about what has been happening. However, it is crucial that an adult gets involved immediately if either of you are still in danger.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A close friend, relative, or teacher? Keeping things like this inside can hurt in the long run, and talking about it will help greatly in your recovery. Maybe you and your sister should talk about this; try to encourage eachother, and offer support. You may understand eachother more than anyone on the outside ever will.

Good luck, and please, send me a PM if you would ever like to talk about anything. <3



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Re: i need serious help - March 14th 2009, 11:55 PM

hi there hun,
I think talking to someone is needed.
I know this is a lot harder to do than say, but I do think it could help. This IS NOT your fault, nor your sisters. Therapy may be helpful to help you two move foward. I'm sure your sister needs support as well- maybe you and her can get into some kind of therapy together? MAybe having her and for her, having you, will make this easier? and give you both more support?
I think talking to your parents about it would be good, but I know that is tough. My brother did some inappropriate things to me when I Was younger only two times, and I was only able to tell my parents about one of them, and that was very tough. So I do understand how tough that can be. Just thinking about telling them makes your stomach hurt. We're all here to help you and your sister
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Re: i need serious help - March 15th 2009, 12:20 AM

Thanks for the advice everybody! im still unsure of what to do. my brother doesn't do this stuff anymore. I think i'll talk to my sister privately and then go to a therapist with her without my parents knowing. i think its best to leave them out of it for now.
   
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