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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Why I'm new here. - August 2nd 2011, 04:37 AM

hi

I hope I'm doing this right. I need to tell someone about my story. I've talked to a couple people on live chat, but now I think I want to talk here. Thanks to anyone who reads this.


This happened more than a year ago, and yet, I can't seem to get over it. I have a new bf now, who has been my best friend forever and I love, but sometimes I just feel like I'm not able to really connect to him because of what happened. I fear him, even though he would never hurt me.

Me and my boyfriend Lane had been dating for about three months. We never really had a great relationship. He was a couple of years older than me, and a lot bigger. We were always getting into stupid little fights about nothing. We went to one of the first parties at one of my friend's house together. We started to drink a lot.

I always had guy friends. I was never able to get along well with the girls, so I just hung out with my boys. Lane really didnt like that I had so many guy friends. The last thing I remember from that night was playing beer pong with my friends. After that, I was too drunk to be able to remember anyhting other than just glimpses. I found out everything the next day.

Lane came up to me while I was playing beer pong, and asked e to go upstairs with him. He looked pissed, but my friends let me go with him. After we got upstairs, everyone in the house could hear us shouting at eachother from a bedroom. I dont even know what we were fighting about, but if i had to guess it was about me playing beer pong with my guy friends instead of hanging out with him. Anyways, no one came to stop us yelling at each other, because really, we fought all the time.

A couple of minutes later, there was a bunch of loud noises, and people heard me screaming from the bedroom. My friends ran upstairs, and when they got in the bedroom, Lane was on top on me hitting me in the face, and I was bleeding. My friends pulled him off of me, and then they got into a fight with him. Some girls came upstairs and broke up that fight. Every person had been drinking, and no one knew if I should go to the hospital. My friend ended up patching me up (he's a lifeguard) and he took me home with him.

The next day I woke up in his bed with no idea of what happened. I had a black eye, a cut on my lip, and a bump on my head and a large gash on my arm from falling against a bed. My friend told me what had happened with Lane.

Everyone at school knows what happened. I feel so embaressed. I'm that stupid girl who's asshole boyfriend beat the shit out of her. The girls all look at me like Im the most worthless person ever. My boys all look at me like I'm broken now, and they're trying to be there for me, but theyre just teenage boys. Theyre afraid to touch me, and theyre really protective.

I just want my life to go back to how it was before. I hate these scars on my face and arm. I dont know what to do anymore.

I guess that's why I came to teenhelp.
   
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Re: Why I'm new here. - August 2nd 2011, 04:59 AM

wow..i'm sorry that happened to you..really sorry..and pity is the last thing you need..but i'm giving it anyway. Your life will never be the same. For every abuse victim, it never is. You just have to show everyone that you're still the same you and that him doing what he did didn't do anything to change the person you are. The girls look at you like that because they don't understand. They may even wonder and talk about it..and even ask questions amongst themselves..but if they do..don't worry about it...
you have to move on with your life..and forgive him for what he did, but you will never forget. Show everyone that you're not broken and that you still can take care of yourself. Right now, it just seems like everyone is scared for you..so show them they don't have to be afraid.
   
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Re: Why I'm new here. - August 3rd 2011, 11:06 AM

I'm so sorry about all of this! He has no right to do what he did to you, and you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. He was in the wrong.
Are you still dating this guy?


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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Re: Why I'm new here. - August 4th 2011, 02:22 AM

I'm not dating him anymore. After that night, my friends made it clear that I wasnt seeing him again. He graduated about a month afterwards, havent seen him since.

But at the same time, I still feel trapped in the relationship. I feel like no one is ever going to love me, even though my bf says he does. I feel so worthless, and like I deserved it.
   
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