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Unhappy Help? - August 4th 2011, 07:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Alright, well I've had a great life, until recently. I think I have an ED and I might be depressed. But that's beside the point. I was thinking one night and all of a sudden, thoughts came rushing back to me. Things that I didn't want to remember. I guess I blocked them out for a reason.

The first thing was I remember being at my great-grandparents' house and whenever my great-grandma would fall asleep, my great-grandfather would be awake. Well I remember one day sitting on the couch and my grandfather called me into his bedroom. I asked what he wanted and he told me to go into the bathroom. Mind you, I was 3 years old and I had no idea what was going on. Anyway, he told me to pull down my pants and he touched me. Then he told me to touch him. My great-grandma caught him touching me but he lied and told her I was just going to the bathroom. This memory, only one person knows about, but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore because he's dead...But I also remember my older cousin telling our family that he did the same thing to her and no one believed her. So that's why I never told anyone.

The other thing I remembered was being at home with my step-father and every night, I would have dinner while my mom was at work. Well he would give me like twice as much food as I could handle and he gave me 30 minutes to eat it all. If I failed to complete this task, he would grab me and hit me really hard. It got so bad that I could barely sit down. My mom saw the bruises one day, but she forgave him. But it kept happening and he threatened to hurt me if I told anyone. I finally told my mom about a year later and eventually, they got a divorce. Well, at the time I thought they divorced because of what he did to me. But I asked my mom a few weeks ago, because it was over 7 years ago, and I wanted to know what really happened. Well her response was, "I don't want to talk about it." But then she changes her story and says that things weren't working out between them. She also says if she didn't have to see him all the time, they would still be together. And on top of all that, she's gotten back together with him more than once...

I know she knows what he did to me. But why is she saying she would still be with him? Is she only saying it to protect me because she thinks I'll be hurt by the truth, does she even care about what he did, or does she even know?

I'm sorry for ranting on about this but I really need help...I don't know what to do anymore...And just after I remembered all of this, I almost overdosed on pills...

Can someone please help me?
   
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Re: Help? - August 4th 2011, 05:51 PM

Maya. Both of those people did really, really bad things to you, and i hope that they have learned their lesson. If there's anyone who's suffered the most from this.. its you. I think you should have went through better experiences, more happy experiences.. and not those.

what i advice you to do, is take a sabbatical, to replace those bad moments with happy memories. and forget about the past... there's no use for it anymore, so throw the bad memories away. what point is there remembering and thinking about those when you could be going through and thinking about happier, more memorable things?

And do not overdose any more. Your life is a wonderful, beautiful, irreplacable thing. Never ever think of taking it . You have so much things that make you smile waiting for you.
   
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Re: Help? - August 4th 2011, 06:58 PM

I agree with screwdriverneedsgas, there's no point in being hung up on the past. What you went through was something so terrible, no one should ever experience something like that. But you did, and you're still around and the fact that you're sane shows that you are a strong-willed person and if you try, you can put this behind you. Don't push it down, don't try to forget with the help of drugs or alcohol, just try to accept what happened and move on with your life.

Now, as for your mom, I think the fact that she was married to such a waste of flesh and oxygen was so surprising to her that maybe she is in denial and tries to act like that whole thing never happened. It's just a defense mechanism, I think she will finally, at some point realize that no matter how hard she tries to shut it out, it doesn't change the fact that the incident happened, and when she does, try to support her as much as you can. (This is just my personal opinion, don't take it as facts since I'm not an expert).

The substance abuse needs to stop. I'm going to assume that you're young (as this website is called teen help), so please, don't throw your future and life away by getting hooked on whatever it is you're taking now. Our world, even if it at times seems unfair, cruel or ugly, has its perks, like the fact that you can be whatever you want to be if you work hard enough. So don't risk your health and life for a few moments of artificial "happiness", but try to accept you and your past and move forward, because, after all, since you're on this planet already, you might as well make something of yourself.
   
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Re: Help? - August 4th 2011, 08:54 PM

Thank you so much, and I don't know why I just suddenly rememered all of this though...And I really appreciate all of your help. As for my mom, I think I'll just drop it and ask again in a year or so...
   
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Re: Help? - August 6th 2011, 06:05 PM

dont worry. im sure deep down.. it will all turn out to be a-ok in the end. remember things can and will, and SURELY definitely improve.
   
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