Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DylanKRyan Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
DylanKRyan's Avatar
Name: Dylan or Devon
Age: 24
Gender: Trans
Location: Behind you

Posts: 5
Join Date: August 4th 2011

I need someone to talk to - August 4th 2011, 10:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi. I'm sorry if this post is really long and in the wrong board but I just need someone to talk to and listen right now. And I'm really sorry if this thread is all over the place, I'm writing while I'm in the middle of a 'breakdown'.

Back when I was five, my mom married a man who I'll call John. For the first year everything was great. He was really nice, I loved my new step sisters who came and visited every other weekend, and he'd give me pretty much everything I wanted. But all of this was before my mom got a new job. When she did, it was a job that was 2-10. John worked from 7-4 and got home at around 5, which means I was home alone for 2 hours (3-5) every weekday after school. I was fairly responsible. The worst thing that ever happened was I broke a lamp during that time, but other than that I stayed away from the kitchen and only watched TV and did my homework since I wasn't allowed outside until after dinner.

Anyway, after about three months after my mom got a job, John and I would 'wrestle' which actually consisted of him making me put on my bathing suit (it was a two piece, since my bladder was even worse than most little kids), him pinning me, and the dry humping me for a good twenty minutes or longer until he came. At first, I didn't think there was anything really wrong with this, since I was seven.

Well, a year after that not only did he do that, but when I refused he'd start beating me. He'd beat me when my mom was home, and she'd try to stop it but he'd hit her too. Though his beatings weren't as bad as when my mom was home as when she was at work. He never laid a hand on his daughters, and he told me that I was worthless and that is why he hurt me and not them. The name calling only got worse from there on out, but I learned to block it out. It was the same to me as the kids at school calling me names which I'd dealt with since I started, so it never bothered me much. It lowered my self esteem, yes, but it never made me feel as disgusted with myself when he did other things to me.

When I was nine, we moved out of our cheap little apartment and into a large house. One night, about half a year after we moved in, John brought me up to his room and took off his pants. He made me touch his penis and give him a hand job until he came. That was what my sexual abuse become for a while until one weekend when my mom was at my grandma's, he woke me up by performing oral on me and putting it in me and then he'd make me give him a blow job and came in my mouth and he made me swallow it.

He only did that to me when my mom was out of time, which was happening a lot as their fighting got worse and worse. I'd always ask me to take, and she'd try, but John would beat her and say I had to stay home.

Finally, when I was twelve and staying the night a friend's house, my mom left him. She told me when she picked me up that we were never ever going to see him again. I couldn't be happier and until about a year ago I put everything behind me.

During school, some guy accidentally brushed my butt walking out of class and I had a complete meltdown that had the school calling my mom to come pick me up. That night I told her the extent of the abuse and it wasn't brought up again until she put me in therapy.

Before therapy, though, I met this girl online who I could talk to about anything. It was during this time that I realized I am FtM which just made my depression worse than it had been with my past catching up to me. Well, anyway, I could honestly say I loved this girl, but one day, she just vanished. I have no idea what happened to her.

After she vanished, I made up this imaginary friend out of loneliness named Daniel. I had myself convinced he was real. He'd take me places, buy me things, talk me out of cutting and suicide, and made me feel like an actual human being and having to admit he's not real kills me. And just a few weeks ago when I came to terms with the fact that he's not real, he left me by myself.

I just finished my freshmen year of high school and am going to be starting my sophomore year in three weeks. Well, during the year I made a small group of friends at our GSA. I thought they were great at first, but as time went by they started hitting me and calling me names. It wasn't jokingly either. When I asked them to stop because it bothered me because I was physically abused, they'd laugh at me and tell me to grow some ovaries (I'm only out to my mom and therapist as FtM right now). But when my friend, who's gay, would cry about how his father beat him and cut him for being gay everyone would help him out. I asked him one day to show me what his father did, he stuttered, pulled up his shirt and where he said his father was beating and cutting him, there was nothing there and then he told me to fuck off when I called him out on it.

Now my therapist, while very very nice, always goes off on things that are happening in her life and only gives me about fifteen minutes to talk about things that are wrong with me.

And that's why I'm here, because my therapist talks about her life instead of letting me talk about mine, my friends are abusive pricks who haven't even tried to talk to me all summer even though I have, and my only companion, though he's not real, left me to deal with these things by myself, pushing me deeper in depression.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
mocochocolatte Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
mocochocolatte's Avatar
Gender: Gal
Location: At Your Mom's house.. she says "hey" ;)

Posts: 7
Join Date: September 20th 2010

Re: I need someone to talk to - August 4th 2011, 11:09 PM

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. Although I haven't been in your situation I know how depression feels and how it hurts soo much. Not having anyone to talk to about your problems can drive you mad like people don't care about you and just leaves you feeling useless '-_-, I know the feeling. And i'm actually glad you posted everything you wanted to get out no matter how long it was because every detail is important. In all honesty I wish I had your strength to do what you did beause I don't know how I would even get threw that. If you ever need anybody to talk to about any issue or anything don't hesitate to message me .

~*Some of the greater things in life are unseen thats why you close your eyes when you Kiss, Cry, or Dream*~
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
BrookeTHaddict Offline
~Brooke~Fairy Dust Wishes~
Junior TeenHelper
BrookeTHaddict's Avatar
Name: Brooke
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Australia - Queensland

Posts: 344
Join Date: January 11th 2009

Re: I need someone to talk to - August 5th 2011, 12:52 AM

dylan/devon im really sorry to hear about your situation, i think you need to talk to your therapist and if you find that hard you could write a letter, i do think you need to make new friends, in my oppion its better to have no friends then to have bad friends that will make you feel worse, school is very difficult and it must be harder with all this stuff going through your head all i can suggest is talking to your therapist or writing a letter, i also want to say you can pm me anytime im always happy to talk about anything
  Send a message via MSN to BrookeTHaddict  
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.